Our Love is not Perfect, Together We are Perfect - Completed
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Warning: Girl!Kyuhyun, Girl!Heechul
Summary: Can the love between two totally different individuals survive?
      
Be With You (Epilogue of If Only You Knew)
Behind The Mask - Completed
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Kangin/Sungmin
The Differences between Us-Completed
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Length: Mini series
Summary: Their differences made them feel insecure. Will their love overcome their insecurities?
  
Even If We're Apart-Completed
Length: One shot
Disclaimer: Purely my imagination
Summary: Kyuhyun’s in Japan, and Sungmin thought he’ll be alone during Christmas eve.
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: R (just to be safe)
Length: Mini series
Warning: fail english, fast plot
Summary: With his power and money, Kyuhyun could get anything he wanted. But he never thought he'll regret it someday.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
    
No More Regret-Completed
Length: Mini series
Warnings: character death
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
    
I wouldn't lock my works, so if you can't read my fics, maybe it's because of the age restrictions. But I think you can go straight to my journal and read it. If you still can't read it then feel free to tell me, I'll try to figure it out. But if I don't reply you, that means I had problems like I mentioned above. So please leave a comment here or in one of my entries so I can give you a reply.
Thank you so much for all the reader or anyone who wants to read my fics:) don't hesitate at all if you have something to tell me, you don't have to tell me who you are, I'll still reply :)
Warning: implied character death
*Because I LOVE 'At Gwanghwamun', keep on listening to it but at the same time couldn't help to cry because thinking about Kyumin while listening to it. I'm so happy to see Kyuhyun doing so well with his solo debut. He'd catched attentions and receiving praises even from non fan. But I'm also terribly sad. Kyumin is my top two faves. Yet, while one is receiving lots of love and gathers fans, one is receiving hatred and being left by fans. Still love Sungmin.. So much.. So sad this had to happen to him. Sad that may people hate him now. I just want himto be happy. Written in a rush, crappy.
Kyuhyun-ah, this is Sungmin hyung.
Kyuhyun frowned as he read the first paragraph on the letter he found on his desk at dorm. His body was weary, but after reading the line, he couldn’t help but smile. It felt like a long time since he met his ex-roommate. He had hectic schedules and it was when he read the letter he realized how he missed Sungmin. He’s curious, why would Sungmin wrote him a letter, why didn’t he just sent a text?
“Even if you didn’t say it I know your writing, hyung,” He muttered with a small smile ghosting on his lips.
I’m so happy for your solo debut. Congratulations! After nine years you finally reach your dream ^_^ I’m really sorry can’t make it to your debut showcase. I really want to.. But you can understand right? My presence would only bring flaw to your flawless show.
A pang of ache hit his chest. It was clear that Sungmin was implying about his marriage scandal which blew the entire fandom. He’d watched the usually strong hyung crumbled into a mess, he’d watched how the fans left Sungmin and left hateful comments. He was angry at that time too. No, he’s furious. Why would Sungmin do such thing? Why did he have to be so selfish? There was a part in him said ‘You deserve it.’ But it was overwhelmed with the pain. Pain to see Sungmin fell into depression because of guilt. It was then he realized what mattered was to see Sungmin’s smile again.
He wanted them to be close like how they used to be.
But he couldn’t deny that after what happened, there will be always a gap between Sungmin and him, and the other members.
“I wish you were there, hyung. I want you to be there in one of important events in my life.”
But I read the articles and saw the pictures, Kyuhyun-ah. Would you believe me that I teared up after reading those articles? Hyung is very proud of you, Kyuhyun-ah. From the start, when hyung listened to your voice, I’ve been your biggest fan. I know that one day you’ll become a great star. Our magnae Kyuhyun who was having a hard time because us and the fans had grown up and receive lots of love from everyone.
Kyuhyun smiled, his eyes softened. He could imagine Sungmin’s voice reading the letter in his mind. He could even imagine his expression. He’s touched, so much. Sungmin had avoiding opening news site since the scandal broke out. Yet for him…
It felt like yesterday when you came to the dorm, hiding behind manager hyung’s back. You were so thin and awkward Kyuhyun-ah. I really wondered ‘can you even dance’?
Chuckle escaped from Kyuhyun’s lips. Yeah, he remembered those times. Now when he looked at his debut pictures, he could laughed at himself. It was probably the point in his life when he’s the thinnest. He could remember too how awkward it was to execute the dance movement, how he got scolded by the coach, and how embarrassed he was towards his hyungs. Because of him, their practice time became longer. He remembered he used to cry alone in the bathroom stall.
Watching you is like watching flowers bloom in the spring. Kyuhyun-ah, you’ve proved yourself, you’ve worked hard until you finally can become a pretty flower like you’re right now. I can’t deny that I’m not envious. I’ve always wanted to have your warm voice, your talent, your height, your charming personality, your kindness. I’m sorry Kyuhyun-ah, but believe me, I always pray for our success and happiness. Because you deserve it, Kyuhyun-ah. You deserve all the love from the world. Because it’s you, it’s simply you.
His smile faltered a bit. He could catch a hint of insecurity in the words. He knew well that Sungmin always tried hard because he thought that he’s lacking in every aspect. He knew that Sungmin often felt lost and unconfident. He knew well because Sungmin sometimes would spill his thought out when he’s drunk during their wine session. It was long time ago, but he could still remember perfectly. He remembered everything about Sungmin.
You must be confused why I’m writing this right? I’m sorry for being a coward that I don’t have strength to meet you face to face and say all these things. I write to you, because you’re the one I trusted most. We may have grown apart. Maybe I look like closer to Shindong or Ryeowook, but I trust you the most, Kyuhyun-ah.
The smile was gone. He started to frown. Why did he have bad feeling about this?
I’m ashamed that I cannot handle things better that in the end, I only hurt people I love, and people who love me. There’s no moment when I didn’t blame myself for that. You were hurt too, right? I’m so sorry Kyuhyun-ah. Sorry, even if it’s not enough, but that’s all I can do. I’m sorry.
Kyuhyun sank on his bed as he clutched the letter tightly until the edge crumpled. His bag laid abandoned on the floor.
I love her. She accepted me for whoever I am, including my weaknesses. She listened to my stories and made me felt better. She’s almost like you, Kyuhyun-ah.
Kyuhyun closed his eyes as series of flashbacks ran through his mind. He could see Sungmin’s smile, he could see their hands tangled together, snuggled together, laughed together.
I’m afraid of losing again, Kyuhyun-ah.
He inhaled deeply. He remembered the tears, their hands let go of each other. He remembered their heart was reluctant, but the situation made them had to give up. It was the hardest part in his life.
The decision was put out with so much thinking. But apparently, I’m too selfish. In the end, I only think of myself. I want to have a real happiness, a family. I don’t want to lose her, someone who is willing to accept me wholly. My enlistment is nearing, I’m afraid that I’ll lose her if I wait after I finish my enlistment. That’s why I was persistent to push the wedding to December. I’m sorry Kyuhyun-ah, sorry for being selfish.
“No, hyung,” He muttered breathlessly. “It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.”
I think I’m getting punishment, Kyuhyun-ah, for hurting people who love me. There’s no moment that I don’t feel guilty. The things that I was confidently think is right, now seems so wrong. Sometimes I even ask myself why did I make the decision. Will it worth it? You told me to wait, but I didn’t listen. I wished I listened.
“Yeah, you should have listened to me.”
I don’t think I can live with this guilt haunting on me forever, Kyuhyun-ah.
The word made him jerked up, his body suddenly tensed.
We had arguments. I hate the publications. I told her, but she had no power to stop. Things turned messier that it used to be, I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. I’m too ashamed to turn to you all. It’s a decision I selfishly made, I should be responsible for it alone. But I don’t think I can handle it anymore. They’re haunting me, the voices, I can’t get them off my head. What happened had happened and I can’t rewind the time. I can’t, I wouldn’t make her happy, not when I’m not sure that I can be happy for myself. It’s all because of me.
He was sitting straight, suddenly feel nervous. He reading speed fastened.
I can only hurt you and others more and more day by day.
Kyuhyun unconsciously shook his head.
But our members are great right? They’re strong, they’re strong individually, and now that I see you doing so well, so much better than all of us expected, I can breathe easier. Our magnae has achieved so much more that we all combined. You’re ready to fascinate people with your talent and your passion. Thinking of that, it’s okay if I’m not around right? I think it’s okay. I’m not being a good hyung lately right? There will be no difference right? Maybe it’ll be better if I’m gone? All I can do is bringing problems after all.
“What are you talking about?” He muttered in panic.
Can I ask you a favor Kyuhyun-ah? Please listen to your hyungs in the future, Kyuhyun-ah, please make them listen even if they don’t want to. To experience something like me is one thing I wish wouldn’t happen. Could you do it for me?
“What are you talking about?” His voice was louder as he got up from bed.
Could you tell the members and manager hyungs that I’m sorry? Could you tell them how I hate ever moment that I make them upset? Can you tell them that I love them from the bottom of my heart?
In his panic state, he fished out his phone from his pocket, and dialed a certain number. He pressed the device to his ears, while his eyes read some more.
I guess, in the end, I will be a coward who’s afraid to face the consequences of my wrongdoings.
The number was unreachable. Kyuhyun furiously tapped his phone and redialed the number.
I hope I can meet you sooner so I can know you longer, so I can feel your love longer.
‘The number you’re calling is out of reach. Please try-‘
He threw his phone away furiously.
I hope I could hold you at the last time we met. I could only faintly remember your warmth now.
“Hyung!! Eunhyuk hyung!” He yelled out loud like crazy. “Hyung!!”
Eunhyuk came a few seconds later, running with disheveled look. “Kyuhyun-ah, what’s wrong?” He eyed the magnae in worry.
“Sungmin hyung.. Where’s Sungmin hyung?”
Eunhyuk raised his brows in confusion. “W-what?”
“Where’s Sungmin hyung?” Kyuhyun grabbed Kyuhyun’s arms, shook the older man desperatedly. “Did you see him?”
Eunhyun blinked, wasn’t sure about the magnae’s attitude. “He’s here a while ago, saying he needed to take something-“
“Did he say where he’s leaving?? Hyung!!”
“I don’t know, he’s not telling me.. What’s going on?” Eunhyuk started to panic.
His legs suddenly gave out, but his hands were clutching the letter tightly.
I’m listening to your song right now, Kyuhyun-ah. ‘At Gwanghwamun’.. I made me remembered we sneaked out the dorm and took a walk at Gwanghwamun? It was then we got together after my crappy confession.
“That song is indeed about us, hyung,” He mumbled. He didn’t know since when he started to tear up. “It’s about us.”
Even though I can’t see you for the last time, I’m happy I can hear your voice. Can I think that you’re singing for me?
“I sing while thinking of you, hyung. I’m singing for you, always for you.”
He didn’t even realized Eunhyuk pried the letter away from his grasp.
I’m scared, Kyuhyun-ah. Either front or back, left or right.. I’m scared to move.
He could faintly hear Eunhyuk’s phone ringing. A few seconds later, he heard Eunhyuk screamed over the phone. But he couldn’t register what he’s saying.
“I’m sorry, hyung, I’m sorry I can’t be there with you.”
I’m so sorry.
“I love you.”
I love you.
His body was pulled roughly and a second late he found himself inside Eunhyuk’s embrace. The other’s body was shaking so hard, his breathing was ragged and Kyuhyun could feel tears wetting his neck.
“Kyuhyun,” Eunhyuk gasped. “Sungmin.. He-“
Eunhyuk couldn’t finish his words as he cried harder.
Kyuhyun closed his eyes, letting tears streamed down on his face.
Accepting that he's dating was hard.. Especially when I heard bad things about Kim Saeun. It's Sungmin's first dating that the world know, and it will bring pressure to the couple. I'm afraid. Is she a good girl? Will she cherish him? Is she serious with him? I wished he dated a young girl in early or mid 20 so marriage thing would be still far away. However, Kim Saeun is 29, 30 in korean age, which is an age or marriage already. I thought that Sungmin is really serious with her, he couldn't let her wait too long and should marry her soon. But slowly, I tried to accept it. He chooses her. But I can't get over the worry feeling for him.
When I saw the pics of Sungmin and Saeun when they watched musical together, I can't help to feel disappointed, like really... I always hoped that after Kim Saeun confirmed they're dating, Sungmin will personally tell us that he's dating. I'm sorry for being to delusional. But I always think SJ is different. I always think that after struggling from being a rotational group, from geting hates, until they become king of hallyu, SJ is different. They're humble, they really love the fans and care for them and consider us like real friend. I'm not saying they're not humble and they don't care and love us. I just thought, for an idol, dating is a huge thing. If Sungmin really care for us and consider us as an important part of him, he should tell us personally that he's dating. But no, he didn't say a single word. I, who was extremely worry for him when a lot of people bashed him and Kim Saeun, felt disappointed. And to see him going public with her, I become more disapppointed. I just think he should say something. But I still try to think that maybe, he's not allowed by the company to speak up, maybe he has his own reason to not speak out.
The dating rumour in kpopkfan made my heart dropped. It's because other rumours that were posted there was already confirmed true, and even so, I still hoped that it wasn't true. Biggest shock was when I read a news outlet reported that they'll really get married in December 13th, the same date that a knet mentioned in kpopkfans. What I feared had happened. I felt kind of relieved when Kim Saeun's agency denied it. But after a while, SM still didn't release a statement. After SM scandals that recently happen, I learned that if SM didn't confirm it right away, I have reason to feel worry.
And I was right. Sungmin confirmed the marriage in his blog. When I read the translation of what he wrote, to be honest, I don't feel that shock. I guess, I've predicted it although I still didn't want to accept it.
Angry.. Yes.. Not because he's getting married. But because.. Why now? Why December?
They did wedding photoshoot in May.. Wedding is a big thing, they must have prepared it long time ago. But why he didn't say it? Why he didn't at least even say that he's currently dating? And he speaks out after the media found out. Like he's forced to speak out because fans knows already from the media. As a fan, I feel hurt, did he think he'll tell us after he gets married? Didn't they know that there were fans who's worried for him after the dating news broke out? There were some who's angry, but didn't he know that there were some who's just worried for him? Worried that he'll get hated by a lot of fans? Worried that he'll keep the burden to himself? Its his private life, but he's also an idol. When you become an idol, private life is no longer private. I think that's the price of money and fame and recognition. Kpop and its things is not just about music. I like a lot of western boybands and girlbands. I love their music, but I never really know their personal life. In kpop, idols get variety shows, exposing their lives, making fans attached to them peronally, not just for their music. That's a consequences. Maybe some people can say it's his life, we don't have right to be angry and disappointed. I want to say like that too, I want to be a person who wholeheartedly congratulate him, but attachment at heart can't be denied. I also didn't want to feel hurt like this.
Secondly, I'm really disappointed at him for choosing December to get married. They'll be in the middle of SS6 tour at that time, and his decision would affect the group badly. I thought he's very selfish. Why doesn't wait until the tour's over? Had he thought about other members? Super Junior is their dream. It's a result of their hardwork for years. How could he do that to the members? Just.. Why didn't postpone it?
I want to support him, I want to accept his decision, but I can't do it 100%. He speaks out, but I think it's just a bit too late. December is 2 months away. I just think that he's being inconsiderate to the members and to the fans.
But I can't deny I feel very hurt watching big fansites closing down, people bashed him and her, k-elfs ask him to go out from SJ. I wrote in my twitter one thing I realize: 'We get angry to someone doesn't mean our love lessens, but we angry because we love that someone. Otherwise, we won't bother to be angry. But getting angry to a loved one is also painful. And when we see our loved one gets hurt, it's extremely painful too. In the end, the pain is doubled.' I feel angry and disappointed at Sungmin, but that doesn't make me like him less. But watching how his fans ran away makes me hurt. I can imagine how hurt he felt when he tried to chase his happiness, the fans he thought loved him and expected them to understand him turn ther backs on him. It's painful to see his pic is edited out from SS6 poster, it hurts to see fans destroy his fangoods.
I read reasons why k-elf are angry. When I read it, I was angry too at Sungmin. I know it's his life, I shouldn't feel hurt. But you know what, in the end, as I think of him, I just realized I can't get mad at him too long. I was disappointed, I don't want him to get this hates. I want him to smile. He's just a human who falls in love.
I cried when I read OTPY and LIVSM's letter. Sungmin had through a lot. Making decision to marry while still being active in an idol group is hard. It was no joke. And when he did, he had to face the members, his parent, and the company's objections. But what, he kept on persuading them. He's really serious about her that he tried to persuade the others. He must have a lot of burdens in his shoulders, and yet, he never failed to give us wonderful performances on stage. He, Lee Sungmin who's fighting and struggling for the one he believes is the one for him, doesn't fail his fans. I believe he knows what he's doing, and I just hope that what he's doing is right. And in LIVSM's letter, I'm relieved to know that Sungmin was sure she's the one for him, the one who makes him comfortable and the one whom he can share the burdens in life. I just hope that she is really meant for him.
I try to understand. Maybe he didn't know what to say, maybe he's afraid, thus always posponed to tell out the news. I did that many times, I tried to run away, to avoid things that I don't want face, silently wishing that everything would just be fine, nd in the end it's too late. Maybe he experienced the same thing, wanting to run away, and in the end, it's too late, people know before he could speak out.
People make mistakes, people can be blinded by love and can be selfish because of love. Maybe he regrets that he didn't tell us earlier. I still dislike his action in this whole dating and marriage thing. I even doubted his sincere feeling towards the fans. But I want to trust him. I don't know his personally. I just got to know him from shows. But I want to believe what I've believed all thee times, that he really cherishes his fans. No matter after he's married. We have love for God, love for spouse, love for friends, for family. Being married won't make him love us any less. And by not telling us about the marriage until today, I choose and I try to think that he had no intention to lie to us. For things he'd done that I don't think is wise, I choose to think that it's only a mistake, people do mistakes everyday. Things happens, and before we know it, it strikes us with force we couldn't handle. My mom told me before, to the people who decieve us, to break our trust, let them be, it's his own problem with God. I want to trust Sungmin. For fans, I hope we're not angry to the point we hurt others. We can be angry, but don't make ourself bad people for hurting other.
It's hurt to Sungmin's fans who are angry. They still have series of SS6. I want to see Sungmin performed on stage with light heart, I don't want to see the fans no longer supports him. He must have predicted the fans' reaction, but it will still hurt.
It's a tiring day. I believe a lot of Sungmin's fans who are far more dedicated than me. I understand they feel hurt a lot. I'm happy that some are trying to accept even though they still can't really accept it. I'm happy that some stay. And for those who are leaving, i hope this is just a spur moment. We get emotional, we do things we'll regret later.
I want to say honestly, that even though I meant with what I said, but I'm still in progress to accept. I maybe can't wish them a happy marriage wholeheartedly. But I want to do it really soon.
Another thing, I admire Sungmin for making this big decision. Sunye got haed after marriage and Wonder Girl is like disappear. He'll be the first male idol of his ear to get married, and he's willing to take the consequences. I think maybe this has good effect for me too. I'm quite crazy with Sungmin. I follow his news everyday.. Although I always feel that this is unhealthy, but this marriage news reminds me that I have real life. I don't have the right to be mad because he's get married. i, too will get married. I can't be his fan forever, who am I to be mad at him? Sungmin is making pathway towards his future, and I should have too. We should have too. I should have spent more time with my family and friends and not just rotting in front of my phone and laptop to for kpop.
I still love Sungmin. Four years maybe is short compared to other fans who had loved him longer, but it's long enough to make me feel attached to him. I can't easily forget him and throw my love for him. Sometimes I regretted ever come across kpop. But I shouldn't feel that way, because every person we meet, we learn something. I feel loved and good when I talk to readers of my fics, and I make good friends through kpop, so no more regret.
I'm a person whose opinions easily get swayed. But until now, i choose to believe and suuport Sungmin. I can't promise that maybe in the future Sungmin does something that makes me angry to the point of leaving him, or maybe one day my love and interest for him will fade, but when that time comes, I will still cherish him and SJ. This whole kpop thing will be a phase of my life that I'll forever remember.
In the end, as a writer of kyumin fics, I want to tell you all my readers, how grateful I am to be able to deliver stories that you enjoyed. It's really a great feeling to know somebody likes what you've written. It can't be said by words. I still love Kyumin.. They're my top to fave members, and I still believe they have a special feeling towards each other. However, at the meantime, I don't think I can write more kyumin fanfics. It will feel weird to write about kyumin when i know Sungmin is getting married. Maybe in the future I will change my mind when my emotion is steady and write kyumin again, but right now, I don't think I'll be able too. I'm sorry for some readers who had said personally are waiting for me to write again. I really want to, but I'm too caught up emotionally right now, I can't write kyumin. I will leave this open of course, and I won't leave. Believe me, I still love them. And I think I will still read kyumin fics XD
I hope the fans who are hurt will get strength, and move on. We have real life to live. But let's support Sungmin, who had given us happiness. I can't force you, but do as what your heart says. Let us see him being happy in turn. For Sungmin, I hope all the best for him and a happy life. Marriage is not the end, but the beginning. He'll face hardships, but I believe he have families and members and friends and fans who'll give him strength. As a fan who lives faraway, I can only pray for him.
Thank you Sungmin, for making me smile and in this four years. I may still accepting your marriage with hard feeling, but I want to support your decision. I'll try to understand. I hope you always do well and always become the Lee Sungmin we always love. Hope you can see us who still supporting you even some had left. May God guides your way, consoles you when you're down, and gives you strength when you feel like there's no one for you.
Let's be happy together <3
On early 2010 I watched Boys Over Flower and got really smitten with Kim Bum. I searched for his videos in youtube, and that's when I started to know super junior.
Everytime I browse for Kim Bum in YT there's always a video of SJ Kibum. I've heard of SJ before, my sister told me before a group with 13 members, 1 is a cute fat one, and their recent song (sorry sorry) was catchy and the choreo was cute. I was just like 'really? 13 members? You have to be kidding me.' I thought they have too many members that's riddiculous and I thought they were just the type of korean boyband I had in mind, and I didn't try to find out more. I didn't know why one day when I searched for Kim Bum's video I came accross SJ Kibum and decided to watch it. Then I watched sorry sorry MV. Woah, I think they're coold and I love the song, and they wear suits!! Suits, not some baggy clothes woth too much useless accessories, and their hairs were nice. I immediately liked them. There were too many members that I can't immediately differentiate at once. But at that time, Leeteuk, Hangeng and Kyuhyun really caught my attention, and i thought Sungmin was just the average type who did not really caught my eye.
Kim Bum was long forgotten then. I searched for SJ videos, I watched their music program performances, reality shows (It was heaven because there were soo many videos with subs I've never seen before). I like them more and more and Kyu became my fave. I really love his voice and he's quiet but witty, and the fact that he once got accident and almost lost his life because of it made him had a special part in my heart.
Kyu became my fave for a few months, then I can't remember since when, but I finally started to notice Sungmin. I thought it's when I saw his Hong Gil Dong curtain call his new hairstyles for bonamana. As i watched more of SJ videos I started to notice his talents. I watched his magic show, dancing, singing, martial arts, cooking, taking care of children and other things. It's just fascinating and I have to mention I really like his solo dance during sorry sorry 'dan dan dan' part and it's quite disappointing he never do that again.
I watched his appearance in programs and I started to know Sungmin more. I started to know that he's kind of shy and underrated member. And I noticed how he had similarities with me. He had a lot of talents, he's like he could do anything. For me, it's not like I have a lot of talents, I'm not actually, but compared to my friends, I know a lot more because I learned. I know how to play some musical instruments. I know a bit how to play guitar and violin and I study piano for years. I mastered more languages compared to my friends, not really good but at least I can converse with it even if I'm not fluent. My schoolmate once said that I know everything. Sungmin was said he's good in everything but not excel in them. I'm not saying he can do everything but not good in that everything, but there's at least someone who's better in a certain subject. Like he's a good dancer but SJ's top dancer is Eunghyuk and Donghae and Shindong. He's good in singing, but SJ has KRY. I know a lot but my sisters and my friends are always better than me in certain subjects. And lastly, about his confidence. He said he's not good in varieties, and I'm not good in socializing skills. I watched him in variety shows with members who are loud and noisy and he often just stand there and laughed quietly. Sometimes what he said wasn't enough to bring laughters and high atmosphere. I can say I'm socially awkward, socially anxious whatever it is. I don't have many good friends and I often keep quiet during family talks. I'm not an interesting person, I can't think of topics that would be interesting enough to discuss and my brain is really alow to think of respond to give to others. I don't know how Sungmin feel when he did programs with members, but it's like he feels like what I feel. Wanting to speak but don't know what to speak. Know what to speak but afraid to say wrong. And if he did feel it, it's sucks. I often feel I'm worthless and ignored on. It often makes me sad. Especially when he's an idol and have a lot of public appearance that requires to talk. I felt hurt myself whenever I watched SJ shows that he stood in sidelines quietly while other members talked noisily and no one bothered to include him in conversations. That's why he's so special. Because I think that we have the same feeling (whether it's true or not). The feeling is sucks and I just want to cheer him up, telling him that it's okay, you may not talk much, you may not the mood maker, but keep strong, I love tou just the way you are.
Until now it's been four years. I've never liked and idolized a person for this long time. I really like him, despite his weaknesses. To be honest there's some qualities in him that I don't like, like when he's being super girly when he talked (he sometimes do that especially whem he's shy) but I accepted it and still like him. Nobody's perfect right? And I don't know how to describe it, I just like him. He's not the funniest, not the most handsome (for me he is though :) ), his fashion sense is sometimes 'hngg' (another similarity with me, I don't really follow latest fashion trends and usually wear what I'm comfortable with). I liked Siwon and Yesung at one point of time but in the end I would end up liking Sungmin more and more. Maybe because our similarities that makes me really feel bonded with him.
When I read the news of him dating Kim Sa Eun, I was so shocked and disappointed. I cannot lie that I once had a dream to be his 'only one'. Despite that we live in a different world, I once dreamed that how I can go to Korea and suddenly bumped into him and we somewhat shared mutual feeling bla bla bla. It's like a fairytale I made up in my mind. I don't know if any of you had thought the same. It's riddiculous thought but hey, anyone can dream right? :)
But it was not the thing that made me upset. First, I am selfish, I know, but the fact that he's not single and girlfriend means he shares his love for fans to a girl. I maybe kind of jealous with the girl. Second, I super love kyumin (you may know from the kyumin fics I wrote) and to know he has GF then how about kyumin T.T I love kyumin because their subtle gestures, their interaction, maybe because of influence of kyumin fics I read before, and I somehow hope they really have that 'love' like in fics (I hate male x male relationship before, look what they have done to me). I know they probably were not like that, they're normal, but the dating news was still like a slap on my face. It would be different of he announced the news by himself instead of from sudden random news. I once said this dating news would make me see Sungmin differently from before, but it doesn't mean I'll love him less. I still love him and will support him. And I do really wish his happiness. If she's really the one for him, I pray they'll get married and happily ever after.
I'm not clear about what exactly happen and what started the news, but from what I read some said her agency started it to boost her popularity since her drama will be out soon. And them we got Heechul's instagram said that Sungmin cried because he's sorry to member and fans. It really pained me. And until this point, I don't care about my selfishness and about kyumin. I only think about how he coped with the news.
I may not know him personally, but like what people said, he's soft but strong. This news would be a blow to him. Especially if it's her gf's agency who started it. I know he must have wanted a secret relationship since he's a very private person. Imagine a girl he love, making the relationship in public while he actually doesn't want it. He thought he'd hurt the members and fans, and at the same time he loves his GF, the cause of the spreading news. It must be horrible.. There two days must be very very hard for him. I am very worried. I really hope he knows that we may be hurt but we still love him no matter what and we're okay as long as he's okay.
He's a human being who's able to love, have instinct to love. We as fans, we ship him with other members, we ship him with ourselves, whatever it is, it's just what we hope, what we want, in the end he's free to do anything he wants and he shouldn't be feel sorry for not being like what we want him to be, and we have no right to blame him and feeling mad for what he'd done. And we can't blame the gf also because we don't know for real that she had intention to boost her popularity through the news. I can be misunderstanding, it can be her company without her consent, it can be anything. She may be in a depressed state too and blamed herself right now, we wouldn't know.
Today I feel like a mother hen and Sungmin is my child. I'm really worried for his feeling that I'm teary while writing this. I hope he won't blame himself. I always have a tendency to blame myself hardly whenever I think I have done something bad and I don't want him to feel the same. I really want him to know that we're okay with him dating, we would still love him, our love won't decrease just because he's dating someone.
And I wish that people would stop hating Sa Eun and attack her. What would Sungmin think if he knows he attach his GF? Knowing that his valued people fighting would be very depressing :( He's in a difficult situation already, and we shouldn't add more weight in his shoulders by hating and arguing.
Tomorrow SJ will have the first schedule after the news, I'm really worried, I can imagine if I were him, knowing have to face the fans after the dating news. I would be very scared of the fans' reaction. My confidence level would be decreasing to zero. I know I have said it numerous of times, but I'm very worried. I hope tomorrow he would know that we, his fans, would still stay by his side to support him in whatever he does. I hope tomorrow I can see him smile and laugh. I hope tomorrow I can say to myself 'Silly me for being worry too much. Everything is just fine, he's just fine'.
And now I hope that Sa Eun is a really good girl and is really serious with him, and really didn't try to boost her popularity by dating him. I don't want to see Sungmin experiencing heartbreak. I will pray for them, if they're really meant to be, for having a long lasting relationship that filled with love.
I'm really happy to know that some fansites are keep supporting him. And I think I didn't see a single person leaving him because of the dating news. Hope Sungmin can see our support. Let's keep supporting him and pray for his happiness ♡♡
Length: Mini series
Warnings: character death
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
a/n: Abrupt ending and didn't reread >.< just feel have to end it before i hang it too long and cannot end it.. thanks for reading and leaving comments for this series <333
Black, white, grey.
It’s dull. And it’s even worse compared to the time he started to live alone.
At least last time Sungmin still called and sent him messages. At least he still knew that Sungmin was still there.
But now, not a single word left to him. Like he’s left alone. The uncertainty of Sungmin’s whereabout worried him, crushed him apart.
Everyday he’d wake up, praying that Sungmin would call. He would check his phone and his mail once he jumped off the bed. And everyday, he’d received another disappointment, because what he hoped was there, wasn’t there.
And after a while, he started to cower. He didn’t dare to hope as he’ll be left with another disappointment, another worry and pain. He learned to accept that he’s receiving karma.
Every day was like a routine, a lifeless one. He woke up, showered, ate breakfast, brushed teeth, went to work, went back home, and slept. He’s drowning himself in work, feeling that’s the only thing that could slightly distracted him from the dull feeling. It made him feel that at least there’s something he’s good at.
He’s known as a hardworking, a genius employee, but he’s not proud of it.
It wasn’t because his dedication. It’s merely his escape.
Weekends weren’t become days to rest anymore. He spent the day volunteering in charity communities, helping elders and children, sending some gifts and rice. He hoped it would ease his self guilt. But that didn’t change anything.
Life was still dull and colourless. The nightmares were still there lurking in nights, keeping him awake and restless.
It’s two days before his birthday.
Snow was piling on the road, giving a pure, serene sensation of his surroundings.
Winter reminded him of how joyful he was because it’s his given birthday. No one knew exactly when his birthday was. Mrs. Kim was the one who declared that February 3rd, the day they found him was his birthday and he never complained about that. But he was joyful because there was someone he loves always beside him during his birthday. Sungmin never forgot his birthday. He hoped this time he won’t forget too.
So instead of being happy, he anticipated. Would Sungmin appear on his birthday? Would he be there when he turns twenty eight?
Kyuhyun stared absentmindedly through the train window as the train slowed down. He already got his luggage in his hand, but made no move when it finally halted, unlike some people who’re pushing their way to the door. He had no one’s waiting for him at home. So what’s the point rushing?
His boss had sent him to Busan as the company’s representative. It was a great honor and it was no secret that his boss liked him, and it wouldn’t be long before he’s promoted. The five days trip had refreshed his mind a bit, and now he’s back to Seoul, to the reality.
People passed by, pushing him away accidentally, but he paid no heed. He let his body being swayed around among the crowd as he walked towards the taxi stand. The queue was too long to his liking, but somehow he didn’t feel like walking to the bus stop.
He stood silently, waited.. He didn’t like what he’s feeling. Suddenly he felt lonely and out of place. His life revolved around work, he didn’t socialize much, he didn’t join any community. He just living a boring life, passing each day monotonously. He questioned where did the boy who’s so passionate go. He knew the answer, but only thinking about it without admitting it had hurt.
His cellphone vibrated in his pocket and he fished it out, wondering if it’s his boss who called to ask about the meeting.
His smile grew when his mother figure’s name was displayed on the screen.
“Mom,” He greeted her cheerfully. She’s the only one who could make him happy. The occasional call from her had saved him from loneliness and her care for him never failed to send him warmth to his heart.
His back straightened up alarmingly as he heard her broken voice.
“Mom, what happened?” He asked anxiously not minding that his voice was loud enough to make other people stared at him.
“Kyuhyun… I’m sorry,” She started to cry, which made him panicked more.
“What- I don’t understand,” He frowned and adjusted to phone on his ear. “Mom, calm down and tell me what happened.”
“Sungmin.. He-”The mention of the name made his breath held on his lungs.
“We’re in Ilsan National Hopital.. I’m so sorry Kyuhyun-… Just- please come..“
He didn’t wait for her to finish her words. What he knew that was her mom was with Sungmin. They’re at the hospital. Her mom was crying. No need to question if something bad had happened because it must have.
He turned on his heels, bumping to the people queuing before him, and immediately bought a ticket to Ilsan.
His heart was hammering inside his chest, without his consent his brain started to make worst scenarios. No words could describe how scared he was.
An hour train ride was plain torture. His mind was racing, as well was his heartbeat. He kept on shuffling on his feet, chanting silent prayers, praying that nothing serious had happened. People gave him weird look, but he couldn’t help himself to mask himself from being scared and frustrated.
His mind was running wild, he couldn’t think straight. The moment he stepped into Ilsan National hospital, he just realized that he didn’t know where Mrs. Kim was.
The receptionist lady looked at him, completely surprised at the sound of him barging through the entrance.
“May I help you, sir?” She asked in sympathy, obviously had used to the situation.
“Lee- Lee Sungmin,” He crooked out and swallowed hard. “Where is he?”
As the receptionist browse through her files understandingly, he was left standing with anticipation. How he wished she’ll tell him there’s no patient with that name, but apparently she finally looked at him, with her stare that made him almost collapsed.
“He’s in the ICU at the moment,” Sympathy was written over her face. And when he froze and could only stared back at her, she smiled kindly, pointing at the lift a few meters ahead.
“Go to the lift to second floor and turn right.”
He’s sure that’s the way to his hell.
Was it impossible?
Sungmin was always healthy.
But then he realized the constant nosebleed in the last few years. They always thought it’s because of exhaustion. He should’ve suspected something. He’s the smarter one after all.
A hand brushed away the tears on his face, tears he didn’t realize he’d shed. Then after a while his body bas embraced by a petite form.
“He’ll be fine,” She whispered quietly though her hands trembled. “He’s strong.”
His voice was hoarse, but there were questions he wanted to ask. He straightened himself, facing his mother figure, demanding an explanation.
Mrs. Kim sighed deeply. She felt guilty to Kyuhyun. When she answered, her voice was barely audible.
Kyuhyun immediately stood up from his seat. Three months.. That long? And he didn’t know anything?
“Kyuhyun, calm down,” Mrs. Kim pleaded him. “I’m sorry, but he asked me not to tell you. He.. He didn’t want you to see him,, in this condition.”
She knew Kyuhyun would be very mad. She should have told him despite Sungmin told him not to. She couldn’t say no to Sungmin, afraid that it’ll upset the man. But when she couldn’t wake Sungmin up that night for dinner, she just knew she couldn’t hide it anymore. It couldn’t be kept away from Kyuhyun anymore.
“Please understand,” She held his arm tightly, hoping he would control his emotion.
The soft voice from his mother figure couldn’t ease him down. Three months.. Sungmin had fought the disease without him. Three months and maybe longer.
Three month ago was when they met for the last time. Kyuhyun cried more, his shoulders shook. He should’ve been more cautious. Sungmin looked so sick he shouldn’t let it go easily.
“Why?” He crooked out. “Why didn’t you tell me?? If he’s treated well, maybe…maybe he still can be cured.”
Helplessness brought the anger and blame. Inside his heart, he perfectly knew Mrs. Park was not the one to blame. It was he himself.
“The chemotherapy is not cheap, Kyuhyun,” She sighed and rubbed her eyes shakily. “We tried to help, but Sungmin refused. He.. He just gave up without fight.”
It was a mixture of guilt and anger exploded within him.
“Why did he give up?? Why didn’t he fight?” He asked in frustration to Mrs. Kim, as if she could answer him.
The old lady only looked at him sadly, watching him muttering questions that she didn’t know how to answer.
He couldn’t continue anymore. The lump in his throat prevented him to speak. It was because of the realization, that slowly dawned upon him.
He asked a thousand why. And as painful at as it was, he couldn’t deny that there was only one answer.
It’s because of him.
Never once he went to hospital. God blessed him with good health all these times.
That’s why it felt so unreal and so scary to see Sungmin slept on the hospital bed. Even the IV drip that connected to Sungmin’s hand sent chills to his body.
However, the most scariest thing that was the black patch below Sungmin’s closed eyes and his chapped, pale lips. His chubby cheeks which were always turned red in cold weather had gone.
Kyuhyun felt his hand shook when he reached out, and the first drop of tears he shed for the first time fell down once he touched Sungmin’s hand. It’s limp in his hold, and he suddenly remembered how the same hand used to hold him close. It’s the same hand which cooked for him, cleaned his things, helped him with everything.
He cried as the sadness weas building inside him until he couldn’t hold it anymore. The tears kept on flowing out, wetting their hands, he couldn’t stop it as much as he wanted to stop crying. His body shook and suddenly he’s suffocated.
“Please tell me it’s a lie,” he chanted inside his heart.
Even if it’s real, even if it’s not a dream, then please let there’ll be a miracle.
He didn’t know how many hours he spent in that room, sitting beside Sungmin, holding his hand, drowning in regret and sadness. Some nurses came but he stubbornly refused to let. They understood, and for him, he didn’t care that he looked pathetic. It’s pushed back in his mind. He just couldn’t let go anymore.
The memories replayed in his head. His childhood, which surprisingly he still could remember up until now, his teenage days, until now, Sungmin was in it. Even when the man was not beside him, he’ll always appear in his mind, in his dream. He’s the one who appeared when he opened his eyes, and the one he thought of until he drifted off to sleep.
He would turn back time, if only he could.
His eyelids felt like glued to each other, and he muscles ached. But there’s a comforting feeling on his head like it’s caressing his head softly.
It’s familiar that he tried to remember it.
Suddenly his eyes shot open, and straightened up. His neck hurt like hell, but what he saw next made him completely forgot about the pain.
He was still lost in those pair of dark orbs when Sungmin’s voice called his name.The warmth, the familiarity made his eyes wet.
Sungmin smiled, a sad one, but his finger found his own.
“I miss you.”
It’s barely audible, but Kyuhyun knew he didn’t hear wrong.
He thought his tears had run dry, but at that time, tears flew from his eyes like waterfall. His chest constricted painfully as he’s dawned with regret and sadness.
He didn’t waste time to embrace Sungmin as gently as he could, fighting the urge to hold him tight. He’s afraid to break him.
“You should have told me,” Kyuhyun said between his sobs. “You should.. You can’t.. It’s not fair..”
He was rambling. Too many words he wanted to say. Too many things to ask, but he knew he had no right for it. He couldn’t complain that Sungmin left him while he was the one who left in the first place.
He sensed Sungmin cried in his shoulder, hand clutching his shirt weakly.
He hated that one again he’d made Sungmin cried.
“I’m sorry, Sungmin hyung.. I’m sorry..”
Sorry for leaving, sorry for hurting you, sorry for being ignorant, sorry for not being there, sorry for forgetting his promise…
He pulled out, wiping the tears on his hyung’s face, ignoring the fact that his own face was drenched in tears.
“You’ll make it.. You’ll be fine.. You’ll be cured, okay,” He said, though it was more like to assure himself.
Sungmin breath raggedly, shook his head weakly.
“It’s too late, Kyuhyun-ah..”
“It it not!” He snapped in frustration, and in instance the room turned silent. Sungmin cried quietly.
Kyuhyun buried his face with his hands and rubbed it roughly.
“You can’t leave me hyung,” Kyuhyun said quietly when he’d calmed down. “You can’t leave when I’ve accept that I love you.”
He sat down and held Sungmin’s hand. The older male only looked at him with pained expression yet surprised at his sudden confession. “I love you hyung,” Kyuhyun admitted. “I love you so much that it scared me. I was afraid you might hate me, I was afraid people would judge me, watching me like I have a filthy disease. I ran away, because I’m scared.. But I’m not scared anymore hyung.. You can hate me all you want, but I’m not gonna leave, not this time. So you better get better soon so you can kick me out.”
Sungmin chuckled despite the pain in his heart. So much determination latched on Kyuhyun’s voice, though his face said otherwise.
“Silly Kyu,” He breathed out, gripping Kyuhyun’s hand. “I love you too.”
Watching Kyuhyun’s eyes rounded in surprise, Sungmin would have laughed if he’s not in deep pain. He would have ruffle Kyuhyun’s hair and tackled him down if they’re not in this situation.
“I heard you.. Last time in the orphanage..” He smiled, gripping Kyuhyun’s hand tighter as if to say it’s okay, it’s not your fault.
He’s happy that Sungmin loved him back.
He’s in pain because Sungmin’s voice sounded so weak.
He’s angry to himself for not being brave.
He cried because of the misunderstanding, of irony in his life.
That night, he lay on Sungmin’s bed, holding his hyung gently, reminiscing the old times, cherishing the chance to hold him like that again. The bed was small and it made annoying sound when he moved his body.
His body ached, but he won’t move. He didn’t want to disturb Sungmin who’s sleeping soundlessly.
Sungmin’s condition was slightly better after that morning, and the man was strong enough to plea the doctor to move him to ordinary room. And as much as Kyuhyun wanted Sungmin to stay in the ICU, he’s glad that by moving Sungmin out from ICU, he can accompany his hyung anytime. The doctor agreed. He said they’ll just have to wait. It’s all too late. Chemotherapy, medication, surgery, it’ll not work anymore.
He blinked rapidly as his eyes turned wet.
Life could be so funny. It felt like yesterday when he turned seventeen. He’s in the orphanage, penniless, but happy. The birthday party only consisted of singing event, no special food, no cake, and a book and two pens for his birthday gift. But he laughed and smiled so wide that day. He had no fancy things, but he had the people he loved who loved him back. He just realized how he wanted to go to the past, letting go of everything he had to have nothing but happiness with people he loved.
He didn’t realize that he was crying until Sungmin stirred in his hold. And when he looked down, he’s met with a pair of round eyes, staring deeply into him.
Before could even react, Sungmin lifted his hand and brushed the tears on his cheeks.
His heart shook and instinctively he took Sungmin’s hand, held it tight as if afraid to let go and kissed it.
“You have to promise me..” His voice broke much to his dismay. “You have to keep strong… You have to fight this… this damned disease.. You have to survive hyung… You have to give me a chance to make it up to you.. I-“
He stopped when the lump in his throat forbade his voice to come out. It hurt so much when he voiced his hope, but knowing that it possibly won’t happen. Moreover this was no joke. This was about live and death.
“I’m tired, Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin said quietly, breathily as if talking used his whole energy.
The resignation on his tone scared Kyuhyun. It made things twice more real than he used to feel. But then he felt a small squeeze on his hand and Sungmin brought his gaze to him.
“And you don’t owe me anything Kyuhyun-ah,” He continued. “Just please stay, don’t leave anymore.”
The innocent statement make him couldn’t help to smile. But at the same time, it sent a punch to his gut. It made him remembered how he abruptly left Sungmin. Fighting with his tears that had threatened to fall down, he adjusted his position so that they’re impossibly close. He leaned his head so it’s resting on Sungmin’s head as a silent assurance that he won’t leave. Not ever again.
“I will stay even if you tell me to leave,” He said simply, earnestly.
Sungmin kept silent for a while. And Kyuhyun thought he must have fell asleep when suddenly the older of the two spoke again.
“Promise me one more thing…”
He didn’t know why, but he felt like he didn’t want Sungmin to continue what he’s trying to say. Kyuhyun shifted so that they could see each other’s face.
“Promise me you’ll live well even after I’m gone.”
The wall crumbled, and Kyuhyun found himself in the verge of crying again. It pained him so much that it’s unbearable. Even the thought of Sungmin dying broke him into a heap of mess. He didn’t even imagine how he’ll be if Sungmin had indeed gone.
“Don’t say such thing… You’ll survive.. The doctors will save you.”
In his helplessness, Kyuhyun still tried to lie to himself. Sungmin stared at him. A plain stare but with deep meaning inside. He didn’t like that stare. It’s like Sungmin said to stop hoping impossible things.
But in the end, Sungmin said nothing. A small, earnest smile, accompanied with wet soulful orbs directed to him, had made Kyuhyun knocked out of his breath. The sentence following it made him fly, in happiness yet sadness.
“I love you, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Kyuhyun swallowed hard as his chest heaving as if he’d been running a hundred miles. His eyes stung painfully. He’s dying to do something, anything. But what could he do?
He’s glued a few meters before Sungmin’s bed, watching the commotion. He saw syringes, wires, defibrillator, doctor and nurses.
But his eyes only focused on the center of the commotion.
His hyung. His Sungmin, as his life slowly left his body.
He’d just gone for several minutes, for God’s sake! He just got himself a coffee and when he’s back, the door was open, and the doctor’s loud voice, giving orders to the nurses.
He didn’t know how long it was since he barged into the room. What he knew that it was plain torture. The fear was unbearable, and yet half of him still refused to believe that it was probably the end of it. Sungmin was fine… He was fine a few minutes ago, he had just fallen asleep. His heartbeat was fine…
He was so caught off in fear and his mind that he didn’t realized the doctor had retreated and walked right in front of him.
“There’s nothing we can do, Mr. Cho. We’ve tried our best, we can’t bring him back.”
Kyuhyun shifted his eyes to the heart monitor right beside the bed. It was not purely flat. There’s pulse, very tiny ones. There was hope right?
Like reading what he’s thinking of, the doctor sighed apologetically.
“It’s impossible to revive him. I think you have to let him go.”
His tears had spilled out already. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew, it’s time to let go. Sungmin had gone. Like being hypnotized, his legs moved.
Please open your eyes.
He’d reached the bedside. Gingerly, he took Sungmin’s limp hand.
He choked on his tears.
He squeezed Sungmin’s hand to plead him to wake up as he could say a word.
He knew it was useless. He had to let go. It shred his heart to pieces.
Shakily, he wiped his tears with his palm, and bent down.
He didn’t care that the doctor and nurses were there, watching his every move. At that time, there was only him, and Sungmin. The other didn’t matter anymore.
He pressed his lips gently against Sungmin’s, their hands still intertwined.
“Rest well. I love you, always,” He whispered.
A lone tear fell from Sungmin’s left eye before the tiny wave of the pulse flattened.
Twelve years later…
“..I hope, through this foundation, many people in need will get help, thus many lives will be saved..”
A loud applause filled the medium sized room, and the man on the stage bowed politely before descending and headed to the crowd.
“Congratulation, Mr. Cho, you’ve made it.”
Kyuhyun smiled lightly and shook the hand offered to him.
A bunch of reporters made way in front of him, asking questions. It made him dizzy. Thankfully, two security guards immediately block their way, making space for him to go through the back door. Swiftly, he walked through the crowd, smiling in gratitude at the praises from people around him. That’s until he reached the back door.
The smile disappeared and his gaze became unfocused.
This is for you, Sungmin hyung.
He huffed tiredly.
It took him twelve years. And yet he’d never healed.
When he left Sungmin, the world was merely gray. But when Sungmin left him forever, it became transparent.
He felt nothing. Just hollowness. It’s all intangible.
Every day he woke up and work. And work. And work.
Every penny he earned he donated to charity, until he finally founded this cancer foundation.
There’s no day passed with guilt and sadness filling his mind.
Sometimes, forgiveness is not enough. For Kyuhyun, even though Sungmin had forgiven him, he didn’t feel content. He had to pay with his whole life.
On his early forty, he’d been successful, but he never left the place he rented with Sungmin since they moved to Seoul. He never wore designer clothes or had up to date gadgets. People called him stupid for not enjoying the result of his hard work. But for Kyuhyun, that’s how he paid for his mistakes in the past.
There’s a sort of fulfillment in his heart as he’d succeeded to build this cancer foundation. But at te same time, it reminded him of Sungmin, and how he’d lost him.
“Are you okay, sir?”
Kyuhyun jolted when a voice interrupted his thoughts. His young personal assistant, Henry, was looking at him in worry and Kyuhyun smiled.
“I’m fine.. Just please call a cab for me? I’m tired, I guess I’ll head home now.”
“Sure thing, sir,” Henry right away took out his phone and dialed a number.
Kyuhyun watched silently as his assistant was talking in the phone. Somehow, Henry reminded him of Sungmin. He could feel the energy, the passion, the loyalty..
“The cab will arrive in five minutes, sir. It’s 1047.”
“Alright, thank you,” He replied calmly and together with Henry, they walk to the back of the building to wait for the cab.
Henry talked a lot during their short walk. Mostly about business and it’s entertaining to hear the youngster talked. The energy was overflowing him and he did hope, he’s sure that Henry would be a great man as he’s older.
They stood side by side on the side of the road and talked until a cab pulled over.
Henry immediately opened the door for him.
He paused to look over his assistant. Something told him to pat the younger’s shoulder.
“You’ll be a great man, Henry, I’m sure of it. Just don’t forget the ground you’re stepping right now.”
There’s a slight confusion on Henry’s face. Nonetheless, the young man grinned and made a salute pose.
“Sir, yes, sir!”
Kyuhyun chuckled. He didn’t even know why he’s moved to say those things. Maybe he’s being in his emotional state at that time. He patted Henry’s arm for the last time before he get into the cab.
He smiled when Henry waved from outside the window, shouting ‘see you tomorrow, sir’.
After giving the driver his address, Kyuhyun leaned on the seat, exhausted.
All the preparation of the opening of the foundation was tiring as hell. And he can’t even have a nice sleep. He ‘d never had a nice sleep since twelve years ago. When he closed his eyes, they heartbreaking scene would be unfold once again, leaving him with sorrow. He closed his eyes briefly and sighed.
Once he opened his eyes, he saw his wristwatch peeked over from his sleeve.
A small smile crept into his lips as he caressed the outline if the watch with his fingertips.
For more than twelve years it had accompanied him. It’s a little bit outdated, but it was the only one he had. He won’t ever replace it with the newer, more expensive one.
He watched as it ticked slowly, steadily, the same with the rhythm of his heart.
Sungmin hyung, I miss you.
Suddenly the second hand stopped ticking.
It’s like his heart stopped too, he ticked it with his finger and shook his wrist, but it still won’t moving. He’s panicked. Why did it suddenly stop ticking?
Suddenly a loud honking sound filled his ears, and he instinctively turned his head to the window.
The light was blinding. And as it got nearer, he could only saw Sungmin’s face.
Then he heard Sungmin’s voice in his head, calling his name.
It was a bright sunny day. Birds were chirping happily and flowers bloomed, showing off their bright colours.
It was ironic, Mrs. Kim thought.
She should have been outside, walking with her stick to enjoy the sunlight while watching the children play football on the yard.
Yet, her eyes were wet, as well as her handkerchief.
“Isn’t it a pity, Ryeowook-ah,” She said to the middle age woman who stood by her side, holing her hand for support once they got off the cab. “They still have many things to achieve and yet they’re gone, while I only can breathe fresh air, waiting for my time to come, yet still alive.”
Ryeowook patted her arm softly. “I’ll be angry if you say that again, Mrs. Kim, you’re still needed here, you do so much for the children more than you can imagine.” Her voice was stern, but it immediately softened. “But I do agree they were supposed to have a long road ahead.”
They tightened their hold on each other, giving each other strength and support, as once again after twelve years, they lost another soul they love.
“At least, they’re together,” Mrs. Kim said softly, her mind reminiscing the tombs stood beside each other. The one was twelve years old while the other was still fresh.
Ryeowook sighed deeply, a ghost smile appear on her lips.
“Yes, in the end, they’re together again.”
“Sungmin hyung, wait for me!”
Kyuhyun panted heavily as he tried to catch his hyung who’re still a few meter ahead.
But instead of slowing down, his hyung kept on running and laughing joyously.
“Hurry up, Kyuhyun-ah!”
“Hyung, wait up!” Seven years old Kyuhyun shouted again. His voice broke because of his dry throat.
He pushed his legs to move forward, ignoring the screaming muscle until he finally flopped down on the grass, right before his hyung who had been lying down and looking up at the sky.
“Meanie,” The younger one muttered, but he only get giggles in return.
However, it made him smiled. Moreover when his hyung held his oustretched hand.
“Promise me you won’t leave me again like you did just now,” He looked at his hyung and pouted, trying to show how it irritated him.
His hyung turned his head to him so they’re facing each other and smiled. Kyuhyun thought his smile was brighter than the sun itself, but wasn’t hurting at all.
“I won’t. I promise.”
They’re always together. They had been together since they could remember, and they promised they’ll always be.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
Length: Mini series
Warnings: none for meantime
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
a/n: for those who waited for the update, sorry took me very long time to update T_T for the next chap i probably will update late again.. this chapter was supposed to be separated into two chapters but i decided to make it into one chapter :)
He knew that word. He’s familiar with that word.
But it felt unreal when the doctor said he got it.
He had cancer.
According to the doctor, he’s already on stage three. Three out of four.
There’s no fear, he’s just felt numb.
Well, that explained his nosebleed and random bruises he got all these times. Not to mention the cold sweat and fatigue that struck him lately, the reason he went to see the doctor.
The doctor suggested treatments, chemotherapy, medicines, but he just shook his head.
No. He didn’t want to prolong his life with pain. If he’s going to die, then so be it. He’d no reason to live anymore, so why would he bother. Besides, it’s not that he had money to pay through the chemotherapy.
Was it God’s answer to his prayers? He’d prayed to stop feeling hurt. Maybe, it’s the best.
It surprised him that he’d already arrived on his apartment. He didn’t remember how he went home. Did he walk? Or did he take a bus?
He still could see the dark blood stain on the couch. He couldn’t remove it even though he’d scrubbed it for an hour. He regretted for not being careful and let the couch stained.
It reminded him of his disease.
Suddenly his numb heart started to melt and he began to cry again.
He’ll die, and while waiting for the time, he won’t have Kyuhyun to spend the remaining time he had.
Kyuhyun saw her back as she walked away. He could her faint humming, and thought why he’s born in the first place when all he could do was to hurt kind people.
Sungmin at first, and then it’s Seohyun.
He chuckled bitterly.
No wonder his own parent didn’t want him.
His career was outstanding, but his personal life was a mess.
A year after he moved out from his shared apartment with Sungmin, he realized he’ll never get over his feeling. He’ll never love Seohyun. He’ll never move on. And he shouldn’t drag Seohyun to his problem. She deserved better.
It was the same day when he wanted to end their relationship that Seohyun finally said she loved him. She was a shy girl and he knew it took great courage for her to say that right in front of his face.
And he didn’t have a gut to say what he intended to say, the reason why he wanted to meet her in the first place.
His phone rang after he stood solid like a rock for God knows how long. Suddenly he felt cold. The autumn breeze seeped through his shirt and he shivered.
There’s some pause in the other line, and he was about to say hello again when he suddenly hear another voice.
Kyuhyun felt his whole system stopped. He’d stopped breathing, and all that was in his mind was this voice he’d just heard, that face. That warmth. It’s focusing to one person he’d left a year ago.
“Kyuhyun-ah?” Kyuhyun heard the hesitation and immediately cleared his throat.
“Sungmin hyung,” He said simply despite that there were a lot of things he wanted to say. He felt his eyes were wet and something had started to form to clog his throat.
“Hi.. How are you?”
He hated that Sungmin’s tone was weak and lost its cheerfulness. But once again, he’s supposed to be the one who’s blamed for that.
“I’m fine,” He paused and swallowed hard. “You?”
He could imagine Sungmin smiled when he heard him said that he’s fine. He wiped the tears on his cheeks.
“Can we meet? There’s something I want to talk to you.”
His breath was caught in his throat. He wanted to meet him so badly. He’d missed him so much.
But he’s afraid he’s not ready. He’s afraid he’s not strong enough.
“Please, just for a while,” The voice said softly, and Kyuhyun felt his face was already drenched in tears. It was lucky there’s no one around him at the moment.
He hated to hear Sungmin plead. It’s him who should plead. Plead for Sungmin to forgive him.
“Sure, let’s meet,” He said. His voice broke a little, but for once he didn’t mind it.
Sungmin had arrived there when he entered the café, fiddling with his teacup.
The dimness of the lighting in the small café near their shared apartment accentuated Sungmin’s paleness. And it’s quite scared him because Sungmin really looked pale and sick. His once chubby cheeks had sunk. He looked so small in the thick layer of clothings.
Before he could comment anything, the older one gave him a sincere smile that made his mind went blank for a second.
“You look good, Kyuhyun-ah. Are you doing well?” He asked, as if meeting an ordinary old friend.
He tried to compose himself and smiled back. “I’m good.”
“You look sick,” He couldn’t help but added. His brows twitched in worry, obvious that his sudden expression made the other happy.
“I am sick,” Sungmin replied solemnly which made Kyuhyun’s heart stopped for a moment. “I got a pretty bad flu since a few days ago,” The smaller man laughed quietly as if it’s nothing.
“If you’re sick I just can come to our-…. Your apartment.”
Silence followed his words.
“Talking about the apartment,” Suddenly Sungmin broke the silence. “That’s why I ask you to come.”
Sungmin waited for the waitress to write down Kyuhyun’s order before he reached something from his pocket, and placed a set of keys on the middle of the table.
Kyuhyun could recognize the keys right away.
“Take it,” Sungmin said as he retreated his hands back.
“The apartment keys?” Kyuhyun asked in confusion. “Why are you giving me this?”
“I’m moving out,” The older man simply said.
“Then why don’t you sell it?” He wondered, still couldn’t guess where will this conversation go.
Sungmin chuckled. “I’m not good with this kind of things. Besides.. my new place it’s quite far, so it will be difficult-“
“Where” Kyuhyun asked without thinking. Where’s your new place?”
Sungmin stared at him as he’s contemplating something. “It’s quite far,” He said vaguely, and Kyuhyun felt an uncomfortable feeling on the pit of his stomach. “I’ll send you the address later,” Suddenly the older man smiled.
Kyuhyun stared at the keys on the table, sighed heavily as he took it. There’s a foreign feeling when he held the keys even though it was used to be his.
It’s a pity he should sell it. The place had held many precious memories for him. There’s a feeling unwillingness to sell it. To think that other people will live there sent something emotional within him.
“I’ll call you when it’s sold,” He finally said.
“You can keep the money,” Sungmin interjected, as if knowing what he’s going to say, and it made the younger sighed.
“We bought it together, and it mostly used your money,” He insisted. “Besides I’m doing quite well now…”
He abruptly stopped, cursing himself. He didn’t mean to boast about himself and looked down on the other.
But Sungmin only smiled. “Okay, you can call me later then.”
They didn’t really talk, just sipping their drink, and throwing random usual question once in a while, both feeling awkward to speak, and on the other hand didn’t want to separate just yet.
But time’s ticking, and Sungmin felt the fatigue rushed into him again.
“I’ll better go now,” He finally said as he stood up.
“Um, yeah, it’s quite late already,” Kyuhyun mumbled. He finished his coffee and also stood up, feeling reluctant to end their meeting.
They walked out in silence, and Sungmin turned to face him once they’re outside.
Sungmin was staring at him, almost like he’s daydreaming, except that his eyes were focused. On him. Those stare were stripping him from his mask, leaving him naked, and vulnerable. The guilt, longing, love, all were mixed together and the emotion he felt made his heart stirred.
There’s this urge to hug Sungmin, to express how he missed him, how he’s sorry, and that he’d never stopped worrying over him, wondering how the older man’s doing. The thoughts made his eyes teared a bit, and he cleared his throat and looked elsewhere to hide it.
The movement made Sungmin broke his gaze, and a second later the atmosphere was getting awkward.
“So.. ,”Kyuhyun looked up, felt like knocked up when he saw Sungmin’s sincere smile. “Goodbye, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Kyuhyun wasn’t a psychic, but that time he felt his heart contracted painfully. He was frozen, this bad feeling attacked him completely. He could only stare when Sungmin threw one lingering glance before the older of the two turned back and walk away.
Kyuhyun suddenly remembered things he’d forgotten, and the ones he tried to forget.
He remembered a boy with warm smile, the one with cheerful laughter, the one who held his hands hand hugged him when he cried. Then he remembered a teen, smaller than him, still holding his hand, always stay beside him, listened to his every worry. The teen morphed into a man, petite and sweet, a caring one. And Kyuhyun cared for him too.
He still could remember the twinge of happiness he used to feel when he’s with Sungmin, and his brain unconsciously compared it to the hollow feeling he’d been feeling since last year.
Like being struck by lightening, Kyuhyun suddenly wasn’t sure anymore.
This meeting with Sungmin had opened his old self he’d tried to hide and kill. It had resurfaced and getting stronger.
Would his life be better if he didn’t deny his feeling? Would it be less hurt if he stayed by Sungmin’s side, whether the older man could accept him of not?
Would he feel satisfied if he told Sungmin the truth? Would he feel relieved even if the world judged him?
Would he be happy?
Kyuhyun snapped. His eyes were focused on a particular back which had been quite far. With a pyush from the inside, he made a run.
“Sungmin hyung!” He shouted and ran towards the startled man.
Kyuhyun stepped forward to block Sungmin.
Once their eyes met, suddenly Kyuhyun turned speechless.
Honestly, he didn’t know why he chased Sungmin. It’s instinctual. He felt like they won’t meet again, and he didn’t want that.
“Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin muttered, questioning his sudden silence.
Maybe it was a bad idea after all. Sungmin’s eyes had captivated him, weakened his shield he’d held close to him for more than a year. His heart rebelled as if it couldn’t stand being away from Sungmin.
He would want to take the risk, the one he’s afraid of, the one he tried to run away from.
Because Sungmin was worth it. He knew that. He didn’t know where he got the sudden confidence.
He couldn’t express what he felt, but he just lunged forward and cradled Sungmin in his arms. For once, he didn’t care there were some people passing by, maybe judging them, told them words. He didn’t care, what he’s thinking was that he had Sungmin in his arms, smelling his scent after so long, and felt the older man’s hair tickled his cheek.
Then everything’s open for him. He’s sure for now. After being separated for long, he learned to understand his feeling. No matter what people thought, he’ll be safe, because this where he should be. He’s home. He’ll come back home.
“Wait for me,” He murmured, voice muffled but determined.
“Wait for me and I’ll come to get you back.”
Seohyun didn’t say anything at all when he told her he couldn’t love her anymore. She cried, but she didn’t pursue the subject longer. Kyuhyun hoped for a slap or maybe some curses to make him feel better. But he never had it. To be honest, her silence made everything worse.
“I’m in love with Sungmin,” He declared softly when she asked why. His body was rigid. The soft fabric of Seohyun’s cushion felt like thousands of needles attached to it. He’s just grateful that Seohyun’s housemate was away and would be back late at night.
Her eyes were wet but opened wide, shock was evident on her pretty face. He stared back at her boldly.
“I loved him ever since I met you, but I was afraid,” His heart shattered when he thought how he’d pained Sungmin. “I was afraid people wouldn’t accept me for who I am, I who love another man. I want to erase that feeling.”
Seohyun sniffed. “So you’re using me to forget?”
Her straightforward question made him threw a back. It hurt him too to hurt her, but he didn’t want to hide it anymore. He couldn’t hurt her more. Just let her hate him so she could move on.
“I’m sorry… but,” He inhaled deeply. “Yes. You’re a nice girl, Seohyunnie, I like you, I wanted to try to love you. It wouldn’t be difficult if my heart had been tied to another,” He admitted.
“But I can’t fool myself. And I know I can’t offer anything to you. So.. I think it’s the best for you.. For us.”
Another tears fell from her face, and Kyuhyun just stay silent. He didn’t know what else to say to comfort her since he’s the one who hurt her.
“Then,” Suddenly Seohyun said timidly, “You’ll admit you feeling to Sungmin oppa?”
The answer slipped through his mouth easily that it surprised himself. “Yes.”
A bitter smile appeared on Seohyun’s face. “Good luck, then,. Kyuhyun oppa.”
He caught her sincerity, and he gently pulled her to his arms.
“Thank you, Seohyunnie,” He said gratefully, touched by her forgiving heart, for understanding, for everything. “I hope you’ll find a man who’ll love you more than you love him.”
She didn’t answer but she hugged him back tightly. He sobs were getting louder and Kyuhyun could only hold her back, praying for this girl, hoping she would forget him and find her own, her true happiness.
Kyuhyun almost wanted to cry in frustration.
And he regretted for being so dumb. He should have insisted to ask Sungmin’s new address. He should have sent Sungmin home that day.
He should have told Sungmin about how he felt.
But no, he dumbly asked Sungmin to wait because he wanted to end his relationship with Seohyun first. And now he couldn’t contact Sungmin. And it’s been three weeks but there’s no traces of the man.
He visited his workplace and met Siwon, who greeted him with sunny smile. He said Sungmin had resigned since last month, but the muscular guy said he couldn’t reach him either. There was no explanation of why he quit his job or where’s his new place.
It’s like a dead end.
His heart felt pain to realize that maybe this was how Sungmin felt when he intentionally rejected his calls. Where was he supposed to find Sungmin?
Suddenly gasped and grabbed his things. He half ran outside and rushed to the train station. Why didn’t he think of it before?
The road on Sunday morning was super crowded and Kyuhyun had to squish himself among the crowd to get into the train. He could have called, but he kind of sure he could find Sungmin there, and he didn’t want Sungmin to run away again.
Suring an hour of trip he kept on shuffling his feet, feeling the anxiety and impatience. His brain arranged what he should he, how he’ll apologize, how he’ll say how Sungmin meant to him.
That one hour had felt like a day. And by the time Kyuhyun stepped out from the platform, he’s already exhausted. Bu he dashed into an empty cab and gave the driver an address.
Kyuhyun felt thundering feeling inside his chest once the building came into a view.
It’s not big.. It’s old but well treated. Nothing had changed. It looked so familiar yet so foreign.
But it was dear to him.
Because that’s where his story started.
He realized it’s been a long time since he came. When he used to live with Sungmin, they’ll come and visit at least once a month to volunteer and help the orphanage. It brought them joy just to know they helped children who had the same fate as them, brought them laughter and happiness to their innocent faces.
Mrs. Kim and other caretakers had always welcome them warmly, and by the time they went home, their hands would be full of handmade dishes and cookies.
Just by thinking of it, Kyuhyun felt his lips twitched. The memory warmed his heart and he couldn’t help but smile. He promised he’ll visit often in the future.
He paid for the cab and walked through the familiar path. The fence wasn’t locked and Mrs. Kim’s window was opened. It’s always been a sign that the woman was inside.
Mrs. Kim’s office was small and located on the right side of the orphanage building. Kyuhyun walked right to the door.
He knocked, hands sweating in anticipation.
The door opened after a few seconds.
“Kyuhyun, my child!”
Mrs. Kim tackled him for a hug by the time she saw him on her door.
The head of orphanage was almost eighty years old. He her hair was white and tied into a neat bundle behind his head. However, her hug almost sent Kyuhyun to topple to the ground.
Kyuhyun hugged her back when he’d steadied himself on the ground, laughing. He’d just realized how he missed this woman.
“Mom, I’m almost thirty, in case you’ve forgotten,” He smiled widely at the old woman’s shining face.
Mrs. Kim swept her hand to the air, “You’re always been a child to me,” She laughed. “Come in, come in.”
Her office was neat as usual. Piles of document stashed on the glass cabinet, and fresh flower on her table sent floral fragrance to his nose. He sat on one of the empty chair and the old woman was busy with herself, preparing a cup of tea for Kyuhyun.
“I’m okay, mom, don’t bother,” He insisted politely. But she had finished with the tea and placed the cup in front of him.
“It’s not a bother at all,” She said as sauntering to her chair. “I’ve been so bored lately, I had nothing to do but walking around and cook.”
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “You always had a lot of thing to do with the papers.”
Mrs. Kim sighed deeply, and Kyuhyun saw the tiredness on her face. “I’ve retired two months ago, and Ryeowook replaced my position. As much as I want to do the work, my age can’t lie. I got headache everytime I read these papers,” She laughed airily, but she couldn’t lie to Kyuhyun. Her face showed sadness.
“Cooking’s nice,” Kyuhyun commented, smiling. “I always love you food.”
Mrs. Kim laughed loudly. “Thank you for the compliment, but there’s no food for you to bring home today,” Her eyes twinkling. “You should announce your visit before.”
Her words made Kyuhyun sat rigidly. It reminded him of the purpose he came.
“There’s a reason why you come?” Mrs. Kim asked softly, as if she could read his mind.
Kyuhyun inhaled, and looked at the elderly expectantly. “Is Sungmin hyung here?”
Nervousness made his body ached, but he kept his stare on her, as she stared back with unreadable expression.
“Is there something happen?” She finally asked, voice laced in concern. “Ever since the beginning you two are always together. It’s me who everytime had to ask you where he is?”
His heart dropped, and suddenly he felt cold. “He’s not here?”
Mrs. Kim sent him an intense stare. Was it pity in her eyes?
“He was here.”
The answer, despite her soft tone, sent a punch to his heart.
He was here. It meant he’d no longer here.
“Do you know where he live now?” He asked eagerly. This was his last hope.
Sungmin trusted Mrs. Kim like he did. She’s like their real mother. He’ll tell her everything.
“He didn’t tell me,” She replied in sympathy.
It’s like a punch in his gut. Kyuhyun felt the hollowness burning in his stomach, creeping through his body.
Sungmin was like vanished into the thin air. Despite how badly he wanted to reach his hyung, to tell him how he felt, how he’s sorry, he couldn’t, because he wasn’t there.
Tears started to fill his eyes, the sign of his resignation, hopelessness.
Sensing his distress, Mrs. Kim leaned forward to hold Kyuhyun’s stretched hand softly. It pained her to see the boys who used to have the most beautiful friendship she’s ever witnessed ended up like this. She didn’t know how, but she saw both Sungmin and Kyuhyun came to her with sadness overflowing through their auras, and she didn’t like it one bit.
“You can tell me, Kyuhyun-ah,”She said comfortingly, rubbing her finers on the back of his hand to sooth him. But it only made Kyuhyun sniffled and broke from his defence.
“How could he disappear just like that?” He tried to laugh it off, pretending that he’s okay. He hated to be weak like this. But his voice betrayed him.
The lump in his throat made him choke and his voice broke into and endless sobs. Tears pouring down and he had no strength to fight it.
“I told him to wait, he told me to text me his new address,” He rambled out, pouring what’s in his mind. “I haven’t told him I’m sorry,.. I haven’t told him…” His cry had become so uncontrollable that he’d started to feel difficult to breath. His throat was sore as well, but he could stop talking. There’s an urge to say it out loud and he felt like he’s going crazy if he held back. “I haven’t told him how much I love him.. I love him.. so much.”
Mrs. Kim immediately stood up and rounded the table and reached the man he’d considered as her own son into her embrace when Kyuhyun started to tremble so badly. It felt like her tears were threatening to fall also.
Kyuhyun couldn’t control himself anymore. His body refused to cooperate with his brain. Even though the wall was still there, but he couldn’t stop himself to spill every burden in his head to the mother figure of his. Not a single story missed. Started on how he knew his feeling, to Sungmin, to his conversation with Ryeowook, to Seohyun, his pretense, his suffering, his lies. He spoke like it never ended, but every word slashed his heart forming another wound, doubling the pain since it’s mixed with regret.
If only he’s stronger…
If only he could reverse back the time..
The old woman sighed as the cab drove away, getting smaller each second until it finally disappeared from her sight.
She remained frozen, watching at the road until finally her tears flew down. Not even once he imagined this kind of thing will happen to Kyuhyun and his very best friend, Sungmin. Everyday she prayed for each of the children he raised, she prayed for their happiness, but apparently God had different plan.
She strode slowly back to her office, wiping her face with tissue paper and weakly walked towards another door in her office that lead to the her private residence’s livingroom.
A small figure was crouching on the floor near the door, making her gasped in surprise. But a second later she cried some more, and rushed towards the figure. Ignoring her tense muscles and stiff joints she pulled him to her embrace, just like what he did to Kyuhyun earlier. It ached her because the man in her arms who was a strong, cheerful boy, now was nothing but a fragile, crying young man. Her youthful face was scarred with sadness and weariness.
It’s strange because it felt like it’s happening twice. He was crying silently, his tears wetting her front shirt that hadn’t been really dry from Kyuhyun’s tears.
“Did you hear him?” She asked carefully, “Did you hear him all?”
There was no response, but she could feel him nodding.
Her voice trembled when she spoke again. “Do you want me to call him back?”
“Don’t,” A hoarse voice followed with a frantic shook told her that he really didn’t want it.
“He’s devastated,” She argued softly. She felt guilty for lying to Kyuhyun, but she couldn’t break her promise to Sungmin either. She knew they made each other suffered more, and she’s stuck in the middle. “He really wanted to see you-“
“I’m dying,” Sungmin interjected, “ I don’t want him to see-“ Her breathing turned rapid and heavy that it scared her. She held him tighter, stroking his back.
“Okay.. Okay.. It’s okay,” She hushed trying to calm him down.
“I don’t want to see me dying.”
“I don’t want to see him cry-“
“I know.. I know..”
“I miss him.”
She closed her eyes, letting another tear fell down. For a fraction she’s really temped to call Kyuhyun right away. But Sungmin was holding her firmly, didn’t give her a chance to move, and she knew she couldn’t just leave him like that. Not when he really need someone to lean on.
“I love him.”
And then she cried again.
Grieving for the love her two children shouldn’t have.
For the love that’s so pure but yet so wrong.
Length: Mini series
Warnings: none for meantime
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
Seohyun was a typical shy, innocent girl. She’s beautiful, kind hearted, smart, she probably was most men’s ideal type. They’d just know each other for three months back then, but with his internal conflict with his own feeling, Kyuhyun braced himself to ask the girl out. It’s quite flattering that the girl immediately agreed to date him even though there were a lot of charming men in their company.
Sometimes Kyuhyun would wonder, there were a lot of things that can make him fall for the girl. She always looks perfect. Even after the long hours of work, her hair would be still smooth and silky, he make up was exactly the same when she arrived in the morning. She’s well mannered, reserved, and nice to talk to.
However, every time he watched smile, he would remember Sungmin’s curved lips. Since he’s small, he’d found Sungmin’s lips unique and beautiful. Whenever he heard Seohyun’s laughter, he’ll remember Sungmin’s laughter, which is oddly funny that always made him laugh too. Seohyun’s hands reminded him of Sungmin’s, white, slender, beautiful.
Except Sungmin’s was warmer…
A small tug on his hand startled him.
“Something’s bothering your mind?”
It’s strange to hold Seohyun’s hand, but he can’t pinpoint why. Her stare was full of concern and suddenly Kyuhyun felt guilty. He’d used her to forget Sungmin.
Smiling, he shook his head. “Nothing, just a little bit tired.”
Seohyun frowned, “Then you should just go home, oppa. We can hang out together next time, I won’t mind.”Bringing Seohyun to his place meant she and Sung
“No, I’m fine.. Besides we’re just arrived-“
But Seohyun had pulled him forward. “Then let’s go to your place, oppa, we can watched TV and chat. It’s very crowded here anyway, not really comfortable.”
Kyuhyun’s widened. “My place?”
Seohyun hummed. “My housemate is having a small party today so I don’t think it’s a good idea to crash there.”
Bringing Seohyun to his place meant Seohyun and Sungmin will meet, and just by imagining it, he shivered. He’d told Seohyun about Sungmin. She knew Sungmin’s his childhood friend slash housemate, only a friend and housemate. She didn’t know about his feeling toSungmin.
But maybe, maybe bringing Seohyun to meet Sungmin wasn a good idea. He’d promised to himself to make his relationship with Seohyun works. Maybe it’s a step to convince himself that he wanted this relationship. He wanted to forget whatever he had with Sungmin and start anew with Seohyun.
Forcing a smile, he looked at Seohyun’s expectant face.
“Okay, let’s go to my place.”
His erratic hearbeat was no joke. Kyuhyun felt like his legs were ten times heavier than before as he reached his apartment door.
He unlocked the door and opened it wide to let Seohyun went in first.
The girl observed her surrounding and smiled brightly. “This place is very nice, Kyuhyun oppa.”
He could only smile in return. A part of him wishing that Sungmin’s out.
But as they’d just slipped off from their shoes, Sungmin appeared from his room, wearing loose tee and shorts. He looked like he’d just woken up from slumber.
Their eyes met. Kyuhyun tried to look cool while looking at Sungmin’s shocked one.
“Oh, good evening,” Seohyun immediately bowed politely when she realized Sungmin’s presence. “I’m Seohyun, you must be Sungmin-sshi, Kyuhyun’s housemate.”
Sungmin’s eyes flickered to his hand which was rested on Seohyun’s back, then to her face.
His smile broke, a smile Kyuhyun missed, and for a while it’s like he saw the old Sungmin.
“It’s to meet you, Seohyun-sshi,” He said, then he turned to Kyuhyun frowning. “You should have said you’ll bring her here, Kyuhyun-ah, I can prepare something to eat.”
Seohyun was about to reply but he cut her off.
“We’d eaten, hyung,” He said nonchalantly. “Don’t mind us, you can just do you own.. work.”
Once again, he saw the hurt look on Sungmin’s face. He lowered his head so he can’t see it.
“Yes, it’s really okay, Sungmin-sshi,” Seohyun replied kindly, “No need to bother.”
“Ah, yes,” Sungmin seemed awkward, but still forcing a smile to the couple. “Then.. Then I just go.. in.. Have fun,” He said before stepping back and walked back to his room, forgetting why he went out from his room.
Kyuhyun sighed when he heard a soft click from Sungmin’s door. It’s awkward and torturing to have Sungmin and Seohyun met face to face.
“He seems like a nice person, Kyuhyun oppa.”
Kyuhyun glanced at Seohyun’s happy face, and felt his heart twitched.
Sungmin was indeed a nice person, too nice for someone like him. Masking his sadness with a smile, he answered.
“Yes, he is.”
Days turned into month, and without him realizing, it’s been six months he’d dated Seohyun. Six months he’d dwelled in his own misery, never succeeded to let go from his guilt and heartbreak.
He’d never gotten over Sungmin, nor he started to accept and love Seohyun.
His effort was fruitless, but he can’t admit it. Six month was still a short time, and he’s sure he’d love Seohyun someday, hopefully very soon, because he’s tired to be hurt. The guilt towards Sungmin had haunted him, making him felt insecure and restless.
He’s tired of it.
“Are you sure?”
Kyuhyun had lost count how many times he’d hurt Sungmin. But this time he could feel the pain on Sungmin’s voice was more than usual.
It’s the best for us.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
I’ll come and get you back once I’ve gotten over my forbidden feeling for you.
His hands were gripping his mug tightly, ignoring the heat emitted from the mug.
He’s too coward to say it with eyes locking with Sungmin. He’s afraid he might cry.
“You can stay, you know,” Sungmin hesitated. “I can move out.”
And when that time comes, I’ll do anything so you can forgive me.
Kyuhyun snapped his head out and shook his head.
“No, you stay here,” He answered immediately. “I.. I’m the one who wants to move out, ao I’ll move out. You stay.. here.”
There was another pregnant silence before finally Sungmin asked. “When?”
Kyuhyun gripped the fabric on his jeans from under the table, as if it’ll give him strength.
His voice trembled and he hated it.
Sungmin let cut a soft gasp and Kyuhyun pretended not knowing that Sungmin was looking at him.
Kyuhyun licked his lips in nervousness. Why did suddenly he thought it’s a bad idea?
He’ll leave Sungmin, the man who’d been with him for over 27 years of his existence.
The one he loved.
“Better not wasting time.”
Do you hate living with me so much, Kyuhyun-ah?
This time Sungmin let his tears fell. He knew that time would come soon. Since Kyuhyun had been acting weird, since he started dating, since they’re drifting apart. He knew that the clock was ticking until they really separate. What’s hurting him the most that Kyuhyun had changed, and he didn’t know why.
All these times, it’s always Kyuhyun who accepted him the most. He’s the one who constantly by his side, made him forget about his inferiority, to accept who he was. And it’s always Kyuhyun who motivated him to do his best. Because he wanted to show Kyuhyun he’s more than just a burden. He could stand on his own feet and protect the younger.
The last six months was hard, but at least he still could meet Kyuhyun everyday, knowing that Kyuhyun’s healthy and doing fine. He still can cook for Kyuhyun, to clean the mess in his room. He can be a part of Kyuhyun’s life.
But there’s just a week left.
After Kyuhyun moves out, he wasn’t sure if he still can meet Kyuhyun again. Even though the younger didn’t say to not meeting him again, his gestures told him all.
And it extremely hurt.
“I’ll miss you,” He said between his sobs.
He didn’t care anymore. He’d been keeping this pain for so long, and he couldn’t contain it.
It’s painful because Kyuhyun kept quiet while he hoped Kyuhyun would embrace him and told him that they’ll be just fine, that they still can meet often after work and on weekends.
But it never came.
A part of him wanted to tell Kyuhyun to stay.
But who was he to say that? Who was he to tell Kyuhyun not to move out and leave him?
“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun said quietly, and Sungmin knew, it’s all over.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
The inseparable boys.
There’s no more of it.
The separation was harder than Sungmin could imagine. The younger politely turned down his offer to help, so what he knew was only Kyuhyun’s apartment address.
He tried not to cry, pretended he’s not crying but wiping his tears secretly. Drama was the only thing he wished to happen on the day Kyuhyun left. If it’s really the end of them, then he didn’t want to leave a bad impression. He wanted to be remembered as an understanding supportive brother.
With a straight face he walked Kyuhyun to their apartment complex’s gate and watching Kyuhyun stuffing his luggage to the taxi’s compartment. He wanted to help, but the fear of rejection prevented him to do so.
There’s barely anything they said before Kyuhyun left, dragging his luggage, and gave him a brief hug. Being friends for almost three decades, Sungmin felt like they became strangers.
“Take care, hyung.”
Sungmin felt his eyes started to water, but he forced himself to smile.
“You too, Kyuhyun-ah,” He said calmly. “If you need me.. just call.”
Kyuhyun nodded mutely, eyes casted down. The younger seemed wanting to say something, but finally decided against it. He straightened up and gave his hyung a small smile.
“See you later, hyung.”
He gave the best smile he could muster.
Will there be that’ later’ Kyuhyun-ah?
There’s nothing more tiring than faking a smile.
But that’s a thing he’d do everyday. Acting like there’s nothing happened.
He did what he usually did. But the house that once was for two, was now for one, was too quiet to his liking.
Sometimes he still could hear his voice and Kyuhyun’s echoed in his head. He still could remember when they’re just fine, when they just sit and talked and laughed.
The memories were still lingering. Sungmin wasn’t exactly sure if he should be happy or sad about it.
They were happy memories, but at the same time it killed him because he wanted to go back to those times, but knowing it’s impossible.
Sometimes he wanted take his brain out from his head so he would forget. Sometimes he wanted to rip his heart out from his chest so he won’t have to feel the pain.
But once again, it’s impossible, and he could only stuck here and pretended that he’s cool about it, that time would heal his wounds.
As he expected, they lost contact from the day Kyuhyun left.
The younger never called, and the moment he called, Kyuhyun said nothing much, making him felt that he’d intruded Kyuhyun’s personal space.
So he didn’t have the gut to call again. He didn’t want to leave message because he’s afraid he won’t get any reply, and then he’ll hurt by that.
Sungmin stared at his phone, Kyuhyun’s number on the screen.
He only needed to press the call button. But his fingers seemed to be immobile. It’s been a few minutes he’d been staring at his phone. All he did was staring at particular set of numbers and tapped randomly to activate the phone when it automatically locked after a few seconds.
He missed Kyuhyun so much.
It’s almost two weeks since he heard the younger’s voice.
With the last string of courage he had, he finally pressed the call button and groggily placed the device to his ears.
His heart was beating as loud as the beeping voice from his phone.
He hastily ended the unanswered call. The phone landed on the couch as his tears trickled Suddenly he smelled and tastedown.
Kyuhyun had rejected him.
He let himself cry. His loud sobs echoed within the small room and his tears were wetting the couch. But he didn’t care. There’s no one else but him. There’s no one care.
If Kyuhyun, his friend for 27 years, the kindest and most loyal, turned his back to him than what about the others?
Suddenly he smelled and tasted copperish liquid.
Unconsciously, he brought his hand to touch his mouth.
The tip of his finger was red. And then he felt it, something rushed through his nose, and soon it trickled down to his chin, to his shirt then to the couch.
He didn’t care his blood’s staining the couch.
He stared as a droplet of blood, followed with other droplets fell to the fabric, forming a circle that’s getting bigger until it stopped in some point.
Maybe it’s a good thing if he could bleed to death. So there’ll be no more pain. There’s no one cared anyway.
But when his world started to spin, and his head felt so light and he lost all his senses, he started to feel the regret.
If it’s really the death of him, he wouldn’t have the chance to tell Kyuhyun that he loved him.
Length: Mini series
Warnings: none for meantime
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
Kyuhyun was twenty seven when he’s promoted as a manager. He’s officially a young successful executive with high salary.
The other night he celebrated it with Sungmin. They ate good food, chatting until down and had a good time. The smile was still plastered on his face when he entered his new office that day. He’s nervous since it’ll be a completely new start for him. He’ll work in different section of the building which meant he’ll have new friends to mingle with every day. And the new friends here meant other high ranked executives. He’s not calm at all.
“You’ll do great, Kyuhyun-ah, just like always.”
Sungmin’s voice resonated in his head, and it boosted his confidence. He smiled, standing straight and entered the door to his new office.
Men in suits and sophisticated women, and beautiful small offices with glass wall welcomed his vision as soon as the door opened. They’d already busy with their works. Kyuhyun was stoned on his spot, unsure what to do, and just staring at the marvelous sight. He’s gonna be a part of it, unbelievable.
A man suddenly saw him, and he spoke loudly. “You must be the new guy, Cho Kyuhyun!”
Like a wild fire, everyone’s attentions were now on him.
He fidgeted, hands gripping his bag tightly. Fear instantly crept to his whole body.
“Hi,” He said timidly, his voice trembled. “I’m Cho Kyuhyun, I’ll work hard, please guide me.,” He bowed in ninety degree, and died a little when no one made nor sound and move.
“I like this kid,” Suddenly, like someone had remove plugs from his ears, he heard cheery greeting and laughter. Some hands patted his back, and he straightened up, smiling huge in relief.
Everybody’s smiling and welcomed him. His cheeks hurt because he’s smiling for how many minutes, while trying to memorize each name, each face. But he’s happy, and he’s excited for what’s coming.
It should be great.
“And I have this huugee,” He moved both of his hands and made a big square shape in the air, “monitor on my desk. It’s flat screen and it’s super fast. And there’s three janitors, special to make us coffee and to run some errands. Oh, and I think I haven’t tell you the glass wall is perfectly clean, there’s no a single stain on it, not that I inspected it, and the floor was from marble. It’s super cool!”
Sungmin watched Kyuhyun in amusement. He’s sure he’d heard Kyuhyun told him about the janitor twice, as well as the marble floor and stainless glass wall. He had no intention to interrupt though. The happiness shone on the younger’s face, and just by looking at it, he didn’t bother if he should hear about those things for a hundred times.
“And then the curtain will close if I pressed this butto-“
The words died in his throat when he suddenly realized that he’s speaking too much. To think of it, from about fifteen minutes ago, he the one who talked.
“Ah, sorry, hyung, I was just too excited,” He grinned awkwardly. “It must bored you to death,” His face suddenly turned serious. “You could have stopped me you know, I won’t be mad.”
Sungmin laughed at the remark and shook his head. “I’m not bored at all, Kyuhyun-ah,” He grinned. “I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m glad your dreams start to come true, you really deserves it, Kyu.”
If people in mushy dramas said that they felt chill on their spine when their crushes were looking at them, or they felt butterflies in their stomach whenever their crushes smile at them, he swore it must be real, because that’s what he felt at that time. For addition, his mind was completely blank, and he only regained in back when Sungmin suddenly shifted on his seat and took his bag.
“I didn’t get a change to give you since you talked like a hurricane ever since you came home but,” The older of the two pulled out a small nicely wrapped box from it, and held it out to Kyuhyun. “Congratulations, Kyuhyun-ah. I’m really happy for you.”
Kyuhyun stared at the box in daze before he grinned widely and took it carefully. He held it like a precious gem that made Sungmin chuckled.
“It won’t broke even if you hold it tight,” Sungmin said in amusement before his eyes turned hopeful. “Open it.”
Not minding the insult, Kyuhyun unwrapped the wrapping paper carefully so it won’t tear apart, and fished out a small leather box.
His eyes rounded as he opened the box. An expensive watch was perched elegantly inside the box. It must cost a fortune, and he knew how much Sungmin’s salary was. The idea of Sungmin spent more than half of his savings to buy him a present was quite frightening.
“Sungmin hyung,” He eyed the older in shock. Sungmin was just staring at him with gleam on his eyes. “It’s expensive! You shouldn’t… You don’t have to-“
“Do you like it?” Sungmin asked expectantly.
“Y-Yes, of course I like it, but it’s so ex-“
“Then I’m relieved,” Sungmin cut him again, smiling in satisfaction. He took Kyuhyjn’s hand and rubbed it softly. “I have no regret buying it for you, Kyuhyun-ah, so you mustn’t feel burdened.”
“But Sungmin hyung, you savings..” He retaliated weakly.
Sungmin just smiled and carefully took the watched out from the box.
“Time is important,” He spoke softly as he wound it on Kyuhyun’s wrist. “Moreover now you have high position in the company. You should work hard and not slacking off, because every second costs more than you can imagine. Every decision, each move you make, you cannot turn back time to change them. The clock is ticking forward, so be wise.. And I know you can do it.”
The warmth was overflowing that Kyuhyun felt he couldn’t handle it. He lunged forward and hugged his shorter hyung closely, hoping that his touch would tell Sungmin how much he appreciated him, how muxh he’s thankful to him, how much he meant to him.
“Thank you so much, hyung. I’ll work hard, I promise.”
He let go but still held Sungmin close enough. “I promise I’ll work hard. I promise I’ll make you happy, I’ll take care of you with all my might,” He looked at the other closely to show how he meant every word from his mouth.
Kyuhyun could saw Sungmin’s eyes turned red and watery, but the older man smiled a warm, wide smile.
“Don’t promise something you can’t fulfill,” He said with a teasing tone.
Kyuhyun knew his hyung was just joking, but it’s quite annoyed him. “I meant it, hyung. I promise,” He whined, and Sungmin laughed.
“Okay, I hold you promise. I just know you’re so cheesy, though.”
Kyuhyun loved how Sungmin’s eyes crinkled when he laughed.
The metal strap of the watched was cold on his skin. It’s a bit loose, but he’’ make sure he’ll wear it everyday onwards.
It’s been two years since his promotion, and Kyuhyun was more than satisfied on what he’d gotten. The job was great, it paid well, and his friends were nice. Well, along the way there were arguments here and there, envies etcetera, but he managed to pull it through.
Kyuhyun yawned and stretched his body, exhausted.
The work was crazy that day, and he only had fifteen minutes rest to eat a burger. He even had lost count how many cups of coffee he’d consumed. The office was half dark and quiet. Everybody had likely had gone home.
He glanced at his watch. 8.00 pm.
He grinned despite that it’s already too late to finish work. But that watch always made him smile and energized.
Sungmin had late shift that day, so he could have his time. He didn’t feel like at home alone anyway.
But suddenly he pursed his lips.
They actually had gotten into a fight a few days ago. Sungmin stubbornly had insisted to keep his job eventhough he’d told him just to resign. Kyuhyun could already provide their living expenses together with his salary. It’s even will more than enough for everyday living.
He’s just worried. Working in a construction site needed a lot of energy, and he could see that Sungmin’s health was a bit decreasing lately, especially because he’d an acute anemia.
The fight won’t be longer for a day because they just can’t stand on the coldwar, and in the end of the day it’s either Sungmin of him would apologize.
But Kyuhyun knew he couldn’t just let Sungmin worked there anymore. He had to think a way..
Kyuhyun gasped in surprise when suddenly he felt movement from outside his office. It only lasted for a few seconds because he realized that it’s just one of his coworker. He stood up and opened his office door.
“Ryeowook-sshi, you’re still here,” He greeted the petite male.
Ryeowook was a quiet one and didn’t really mingle with other coworkers. At first he just thought that he’s arrogant, but after some encounters he found the guy was just shy and quiet, but he’s really nice and hardworking. He often felt confused though, because many of his coworkers seemed to didn’t like Ryeowook. But he never brought it up.
“Oh, Kyuhyun-sshi,” Ryeowook greeted back, startled, and that’s when Kyuhyun noticed the tiredness on his face and voice.
“Are you having extra hours too? What’s that?” He suddenly asked, pointing at the huge box on Ryeowook’s hands.
Ryeowook glanced at his box and sighed. It took a moment before Ryeowook replied.
“It’s actually my last day working here, Kyuhyun-sshi,” He said with a smile, a bitter smile to be exact.
“Wha- You just resigned? But- why?”
It’s surprised Kyuhyun. Ryeowook’s good on his job and he never heard any problem regarding the man.
Ryeowook sighed once more, showing his weariness. “It’s just getting tiring, Kyuhyun-sshi, I can’t work with a situation like this.”
Kyuhyun frowned. “Situation like this? You mean…,” He hesitated a bit. “Our coworkers?”
Ryeowook hummed quietly, before he looked up. “But you’re not like one of them, Kyuhyun-sshi, I’m very thankful to you for taking care of me.”
Ryeowook smiled in sincerity, making Kyuhyun felt the heaviness on his chest for longing a nice coworker.
“Are you really sure, Ryeowook-sshi? Maybe you just need to open more. No offence,” He quickly added. “But you’re a bit quiet so maybe that’s why they hesitated to talk to you..”
His voice trailed down in the end when he realized that maybe he’d talk too much. To his relief, Ryeowook laughed a bit.
“I was here for two years before you came, Kyuhyun-sshi,” He spoke wistfully. “I was shy at first, and you may be surprised if I say this. After I knew them well, I started to open up and I have the tendency to talk a lot to the point they called me blabbermouth.”
“Really?” Kyuhyun raised his eyebrows. With the Ryeowook he knew, it’s likely impossible that he was like what he described.
“Yeah,” The smaller man nodded. “They’re very friendly and I was very happy, until that day..”
Kyuhyun waited, wanting to know of what happened on ‘that day’, but Ryeowook only bowed his head sadly.
“What.. happened?” He finally asked hesitantly when he felt Ryeowook wouldn’t continue his story. He’s curious, and at the same time afraid to offend the other.
“That day..” Ryeowook paused to breathed deeply and exhaled slowly. “We had get together at the bar, and I’m kind of drunk.. I was really wasted actually.. And I..”
Ryeowook glanced at him nervously. “I revealed that I’m gay.”
The words were repeated again and again in Kyuhyun’s head.
“They all changed after that,” Ryeowook muttered. “It’s even worse back then. I received blackmail and cursing. The called me fag and sabotaged my work. I was pretty stressed, but I can’t just resign. This job is promising and I’d through a lot to achieve what I had. But I can’t stand it anymore. I’d found a job in Busan. It’s a small company, but I think I need a new start. What’s the purpose of staying here if it kills me from inside,” He smiled vaguely.
Kyuhyun gulped. They did that to Ryeowook just because he’s gay? They all seemed nice but how could they do that to Ryeowook?
“I’d better go, Kyuhyun-sshi,” Ryeowook’s voice woke him up from his thought. The smaller man was smiling at him kindly. “No matter what you’re thinking about me after I told you that, thank you.. for being my friend.”
Kyuhyun didn’t know how to respond. His mouth slightly opened as his brain tried to calm the chaos in his mind.
Ryeowook smiled sadly when he didn’t get any respond, and started to walk away.
“W-wait!” Kyuhyun instantly said when he saw the smaller man’s retreating back.
Ryeowook froze for a while and looked behind his back.
“I… Despite what happened, despite who you are, what you are,” Kyuhyun said in one breath. “I would still love to be your friend.”
There’s something flashed on Ryeowook’s face, and Kyuhyun thought that he’ll start to cry soon.
But Ryeowook smiled brightly as if he didn’t have any burden on his shoulder.
“Thank you, Kyuhyun-sshi.”
He still wanted to befriend with Ryeowook. That’s for sure.
But what made his mind went blank that was he’s afraid.
He’s in love with Sungmin.
He’s gay too.
He couldn’t think of what will his coworkers do to him if they know who he really are.
He couldn’t think of what will the world do to him if they know who he really are.
He could keep it a secret, but what if he accidentally revealed it? How if people know?
His heart stopped when he heard that voice.
“Lunch is ready!”
Usually he would immediately attack the dishes, but not this time.
He perfectly knew it was abnormal to love another man. For his whole life he’d never encountered gay issue, and now with Ryeowook’s case, he’d just realized how wrong it was in the society he lived in. It’s still surprised him about how great their coworkers’ reaction to Ryeowook’s revelation.
And he’s afraid of rejection. During his whole life, learning that he’s rejected by his own parent, he’d been afraid that he’ll be left behind one again. He’s dying for acceptance. And that made him worked hard all this time. He’ll do his best in everything just to be accepted.
His heart felt like it’s twisted. Why did he have to feel this way to Sungmin? It’s wrong! He shouldn’t have this feeling. Would Sungmin hate him too if he knows? He knew Sungmin loves him in brotherly way, but he couldn’t make sure Sungmin will stay even though the older man knows his affection towards him.
He buried his head to his knees, gripping his hair in frustration.
“Why can’t I love somebody else? A girl?” He asked himself.
Suddenly the door opened, revealing a pouted Sungmin.
“Why didn’t you-“ He halted, and the pout turned into a frown when he saw the younger’s condition. “What happened?”
Kyuhyun immediately straightened up with a poker face. He knew Sungmin could be quite persistent and he didn’t want to deal with his questions right now.
“I just got a headache,” He muttered while he shifted so his legs touched the floor. “It’s nothing serious.”
Without sparing Sungmin a glance, Kyuhyun stood up and left the room.
Sungmin couldn’t help to feel the pain. Kyuhyun was always the one who’s overprotective, who’s noisy and spoiled.
It’s the first time Kyuhyun acted cold and ignorance.
Sungmin felt his eyes suddenly turned wet and he cursed himself for suddenly being so melancholic. Kyuhyun’s sick, and it’s not the time to dwell on his sensitive side.
With a sigh, he followed the younger out, suppressing the odd feeling he had in his heart and acted like usual.
He blamed Kyuhyun’s headache though, for making him felt that way.
Kyuhyun woke up early in the morning the day after with a resolution.
For his whole life, he’d been so attached to Sungmin. Can’t blame himself because Sungmin was basically his first friend and the one who stuck on him all the time. They lived together, eat together, study together, play together..3
Maybe it wasn’t love at all. Maybe it’s just an attachment, because he’s used to have Sungmin by himself. He’s afraid to lose the one who’s constantly by his side.
That must be it.
And he had to make himself clear.
Sungmin was just a hyung.
But every time he saw Sungmin, despite how often, how loud he chanted that Sungmin was nothing but a hyung he couldn’t have forever, he couldn’t get rid of this odd, nagging feeling.
He’s too attached.
And Sungmin annoyed him in some way, because as he tried to distance himself from the other man, Sungmin would practically glomped on him, talked to him and sat close to his side whenever they’re at him. It didn’t help him at all, it made his feeling worse.
He started to find Sungmin’s flaws, anyhing that could lessen his affection. He started to keep quiet most of the time, ignoring his hyung, telling him snarky things and stopped being a caring little brother.
After some time, Sungmin finally caught his change of attitude. The man stopped nagging him all the time. Kyuhyun felt the timidness, whenever the older man talked to him, and he saw the pain on Sungmin’s eyes.
It pained him too all the time, and he realized by doing these things, he won’t go nowhere.
So he moved with a bold decision.
“I won’t have dinner at home tomorrow,” He suddenly said while staring at his rice.
Dinner time together with Sungmin which was always be the most enjoyable time of the day had become awkward.
He couldn’t stand being near his hyung for too long, he couldn’t stand to speak to Sungmin while holding himself to spill whatever he had in his mind. He couldn’t stand how his heart beat too fast to his liking when the older man was near, and most of all he couldn’t stand to see the confusion and pain on Sungmin’s eyes whenever he shielded himself with cold façade.
Sungmin never mentioned about his change, not at once although he question was written clearly on his face.
Kyuhyun hated, he detested the situation he’s in.
He thought Sungmin wouldn’t ask again, but he finally did.
“Do you have dinner with your coworker tomorrow?” Sungmin asked, acting nonchalant as he took a piece meat and chewed it slowly.
Kyuhyun swallowed his food and took a breath. “Yeah.. I have a dinner appointment tomorrow..” His voice left hanging as he hesitated. “It’s.. a date actually.”
Kyuhyun felt the tension immediately. It’s quiet, even Sungmin suddenly stopped chewing.
“Date?” Sungmin’s voice was weak and small, he felt like the worst man on the planet.
But.. Why should Sungmin care if he dated? It’s not like they’re lovers, he quietly reminded himself.
“Yes,” He muttered, holding his clenching jaw.
“My baby has grown up, huh.”
Kyuhyun snapped his head up, and blinked. The cheerful smile was back on his hyung’s face.
But he could clearly see how Sungmin’s hands trembled. The cheeriness on his voice, he knew it’s fake.
“Is that why you’re so distant these days? Thinking of your crush?” Sungmin giggled, and somehow Kyuhyun wanted to yell to stop the fake giggle. It annoyed him.
“Tell me about her, Kyuhyun-ah. Is she pretty? Is it your coworker? What’s her name?”
His grip on his spoon was getting tighter. However, he reminded himself that this is something he should do.
“Her name is Seohyun. And yes, she’s new in my division. She’s pretty and smart.”
For a fraction of second, he thought he saw Sungmin’s smile faltered, but he brushed it off.
Why did his hyung looked so sad to know him dating a girl? Did Sungmin think he’ll abandon him if he has a girlfriend?
Suddenly he felt angry. Though he knew it’s ridiculous, but he’s angry for Sungmin for making him feel this way. Why was Sungmin so caring? Why did he befriend with him on the first place? If Sungmin wasn’t so kind to him, he won’t fall in love with him, then they shouldn’t be in this position.
“You should find yourself a girlfriend, hyung.” The words slipped out from his mouth before he could stop himself.
Sungmin was obviously startled at his remark. “W-what?”
Kyuhyun looked down at his rice again. There’s still half left, but he didn’t feel like eating anymore.
“You should find yourself a girlfriend. You.. You can’t always take care of me. I’ve grown up… As you said.”
His lips, his tongue, his heart felt bitter. It’s pretty cruel but he can’t take his words back.
Sungmin laughed awkwardly, a forced one. It sent needles to his heart, his soul.
“Sorry for pampering you too much. Time flies so fast, sometimes I forget that you’re no longer a kid,” Sungmin giggled again, but it ended as fast as it started.
Kyuhyun knew he had offended Sungmin. He should be thankful because the older man had taken care of him all these time. Guilt crept through his body. His hands were shaking. The pain from his heart slowly seeped to his body and his eyes stung.
In instinct to shield himself, to cover his true feeling, Kyuhyun abruptly stood up when a tear slid to his cheeks. Without saying anything more, eyes casted down, he flew to his room and closed the door behind him.
His tears flew freely this time. His legs gave up and he slowly slid down until he’s in the sitting position.
“I’m sorry, Sungmin hyung. I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry. That’s all he could mutter between his silent cry. He felt the pain. A part of his told him what he’d done was wrong, that he should apologize.
But his rationality told him it’s the best. For him, for Sungmin, for all.
“I’m sorry, hyung,” He said again quietly, venting out his words he couldn’t say towards his hyung. “Sorry for hurting you.. I’m sorry for loving you.”
Length: Mini series
Warnings: none for meantime
Disclaimer: Only own the plot
Summary: They are inseperable since they can remember. The question is, until how long?
a/n: Maybe the plot has some similarity with my previous fix, Bittersweet, sorry for my uncreativeness >< and will take some time to update. I just can't not post it now because LJ was so quiet lately i just need to see something, anything when i refresh the friend page TT for anyone who feel the same as I do :)
They’re always together. They had been together since they could remember, and they promised they’ll always be.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
They’re both being left by their families when they’re only a few days old. A newborn Kyuhyun was left to the orphanage’s front door just like that. No letter, no identity. Sungmin had just turned two a month prior, and the toddler was the one most enthusiastic about the addition of a new baby to their small so called family.
Sungmin became the second youngest after Kyuhyun’s arrival. Everybody’s attention wasn’t on him anymore, but surprisingly the little boy didn’t seem to be jealous. In the contrary, two little years old Sungmin spent his days laying beside baby Kyuhyun hugging his old bunny doll, caressing Kyuhyun’s head (even though sometimes without he realized it, he smacked the baby ‘s head hard thus making baby Kyuhyun cried), singing incoherent, out of tune songs he’d heard from the caretakers.
It was an adorable sight that never failed to bring smiles to the orphanage staffs.
As years passed by, when Kyuhyun was two, their friendship had become mutual. Kyuhyun had started to understand what friend was, and Sungmin was more than excited when the younger boy held his hand and asked him to play together. They learned alphabets and numbers, they learned about animals and flowers. They learned that sun rose in the morning and set in the evening, flower blooms in spring and withered in winter.
Most of all, they learned about friendship.
It was then revealed that Kyuhyun had superior brain. The kid was obviously genius. He could memorize things faster than his friends and understood what the teachers said very easily. He gained the teachers’ proud smiles though sometimes he got envy from some otherchildren.
Unfortunately, his best friend wasn’t as brilliant as he was.
As they found out how genius Kyuhyun was, they also find that Sungmin wasn’t blessed with such intelligence. In fact, he’s lacking on it.
While Kyuhyun could speak and recognize letters by the age of three, Sungmin could do the same when he’s six. When Kyuhyun’s able to skip classes, Sungmin had to hold back, to the point he’s still in grade one by the time Kyuhyun’s already in grade four.
It was such an irony, that a soft, kindhearted caretaker in the orphanage called Ryeowook always bursted in tears whenever he saw them together despite their differences.
But Sungmin always smiled, and Kyuhyun always offered his hands to the other. They’re like a puzzle pieces fit for each other. Sungmin with his lack in intelligence and Kyuhyun with his superior intelligence. Sungmin who’s gentle and softspoken person and Kyuhyun who’s witty and sometimes snarky.
People all agree that what they shared was something beautiful, a gift from God.
Their friendship, their bond was getting stronger each passing day. They held each other back that their friends envy them for having such a good buddy. Nobody had ever thought they’ll have this strong friendship.
Some parents had come with intention to adopt Kyuhyun, who had grown into a smart, handsome young boy. But he always refused after knowing the parents won’t take Sungmin too.
The subject had become the trigger to the best friends’ first quarrel. Sungmin, who was ten, despite the fear of losing Kyuhyun, understood enough that being adopted was a good thing for their future.
“They look very nice, Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin said with a wide smile, though eight years old Kyuhyun could see how those round orbs were moist. “They look very fond of you. You should say yes.”
They stood beside the window along with some curious children. It’s like a habit. They all had the same longing, that one of those couples who went to the orphanage would take them and make them feel what’s like to have a real family wit mother and father.
They’re gazing at the couple who were talking with the head of the orphanage, Mrs. Kim. The lady apparently had trouble to bear children, thus they agreed to adopt a child. The couples showed a great interest when they saw Kyuhyun answered the mathematic problems easily in the class.
They said they wanted Kyuhyun.
“Their clothes look expensive, and they have a nice car too,” Sungmin said again. “Must be nice to ride on that car.”
Kyuhyun furrowed his eyebrows, disliking what his best friend said just now.
“I don’t want to be adopted,” The younger said firmly. “Either they adopt us together or not at all.”
Sungmin turned his head to him. Kyuhyun didn’t like the look Sungmin gave him.
“They can give you nice clothes, Kyuhyun-ah, you can even buy the game you’ve always want to buy, you can enter good school and have a good job. And you can have a family, a home. You know you won’t get it as long as you’re here.”
Kyuhyun felt a pang in his chest as he scrunched his eyes. He did want it. But he didn’t want to leave Sungmin too. He couldn’t just have everything while Sungmin’s not.
But why can’t the older boy understand him? Why did Sungmin always told him to accept the adoption whenever some couples came to adopt him? Did Sungmin want him to leave? Did Sungmin hate him for being so clingy all this time?
A tear trickled down from Kyuhyun’s eyes and soon he’s sobbing.
“Why do you want me to leave so bad?” He cried loudly. “Tell me what have I done that make you hate me that much! I don’t want to leave you, hyung! Why do you do this to me?”
He bawled out, not minding the curious stares from his friends.
He couldn’t contain it anymore. Ever since the first couple came to adopt him two years ago, Sungmin always encouraged him to accept it. Deep in his heart, he wanted Sungmin to hold his arm, telling him not to leave him. But what he got was encouragements. He didn’t want it. And the thought of Sungmin felt okay even if he left killed him from inside.
Was their friendship mutual just like he thought? Or it’s just his own imagination?
But before his bad thought ate the hell out of him, Kyuhyun felt warmth, a pair of arms wrapped him close and soon his left shoulder was wet.
“I don’t want you to leave Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin’s voice was hoarse, as if something clogging his throat. “I just want you to have a better life. You deserve it.”
Kyuhyun cried harder. But this time it’s from a mixture of relieve, happiness, and touched.
It’s true that he wanted to have a better future, and a father and mother. He didn’t want to be labeled as an orphan to the rest of his life. But that day, Sungmin had touched the deepest spot in his heart.
He was eight, but he somewhat knew the meaning of true love. He found it in Sungmin. And he knew this was where he’s belong. Even though he had nothing, but he’s home. Because home is where your heart is.
It’s where Sungmin is.
Mrs. Kim understood very well about their condition, and she’s more than willing to let Sungmin stayed even though the boy had turned eighteen, an age where the boys in the orphanage had to leave and blend in with the society.
She understood that Sungmin wouldn’t capable enough to be left alone outside. She knew and she didn’t have a heart to separate him with Kyuhyun.
Sungmin never reached high school, so there wasn’t a lot of job option for him.
He ended up being a worker in a construction company. He just needed to use his muscles and strength, something that God had blessed him with, despite his soft features.
Kyuhyun hated his work.
He hated to find Sungmin came back to the orphanage at night drenched with sweat, tiredness shone on his smiling face. The soft hands that always held him close at night had lost its softness. It dry and calloused and it made him ache.
But it was one thing that strived him to study harder, to try harder. If there’s no one in the past eighteen years willing to offer a brighter future for Sungmin, then he’ll be the one.
It wasn’t easy even though he’s a genius, because apparently the ‘orphan’ label that’s attached to him was a great deal to society. But he did it. At a young age, he’d graduated from high school and was granted for a scholarship in the University of Seoul.
He took Sungmin with him, renting a cheap apartment near to the university with money they’d saved and some moneys as a gift from the orphanage.
Farewell wasn’t as easy as they both thought, because they’d been a family. Mrs. Kim cried, saying that she’s proud of them, and they’re very welcome to come back and visit. Ryeowook, now in her late forties cried her eyes out, holding a fistful of tissue paper to wipe her tears and snot.
That time, never once Sungmin let Kyuhyun’s hands away from his grasp, and so was Kyuhyun.
A head with black hair immediately popped out from the kitchen area, following with a wide smile.
“Kyuhyun-ah!” The older of the two greeted back. “Come, let’s have lunch together, I’ve just finished cooking.”
Kyuhyun carelessly dropped his bag and made his way to the kitchen where a plate of dish had been prepared along with two bowls of rice.
“How’s school?” Sungmin asked as they digged in their food. “Do you have to come back later?”
“It’s fine,” The younger answered with mouth full of rice, earning a warning stare from Sungmin, but the latter ended up giggling. “I have two more classes on three then I’ll tutor some first year.”
Sungmin showed a proud smile. Kyuhyun had been appointed as a tutor ever since his first year and he’d been doing it very well.
“I’ve saved some of this for you dinner tonight,” He gestured at the food. “Don’t wait for me, I have a night shift today.”
Hearing that, Kyuhyun furrowed his brows and lowered his spoon.
“But you said you have early shift tomorrow?”
“It’s emergency,” The older shrugged. “Some workers resigned and we have deadline to catch. But they give us bonus for the extra hours,” He grinned, much to Kyuhyun’s dismay.
“But you can’t work for sixteen hours nonstop hyung! Your work is not easy, it’ll tire you out!”
Sungmin sighed as the younger protested.
“It’s not like we’ve to work eight straight hours per shift, Kyuhyun-ah. We have an hour rest, or more if we get the job fast done,” He reasoned out. “Besides, you work harder, you know. You have pack class schedule, you tutor, and still have to do homework. Believe me it’s nothing.”
Kyuhyun ruffled his own hair in frustration. ‘It’s not the same, Min hyung. I do nothing but sit and talk and write. But you..”
He sighed and casted his eyes down.
“Thank you for worrying me, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Kyuhyun looked up and welcomed by a smiling Sungmin. But it made him want to cry instead.
“I’ll be fine, okay. I know my limit.”
Kyuhyun felt a familiar warmth, just like usual, and Sungmin’s scent filled his nose. At that time he hated for being such a child. Sungmin was working his ass off for both of them. Even the food he’s eating just now was from his hyung’s hardwork since Sungmin insisted to make him save his income from tutoring.
He just wanted Sungmin to stop working so hard, but yet, he had no power to do so. He’s still studying and cannot provide for both of them.
He felt so useless.
“Promise me you won’t push yourself too hard, hyung,” He murmured sadly. His hands clutched the older man’s shirt.
There’s a slight movement on his shoulder. Sungmin nodded and gave him a soft ‘hm’.
Just then Kyuhyun realized. It’s not just that he didn’t want Sungmin to be sick because of working too hard. It’s that he’s selfish.
He just wanted his Sungmin hyung to stay with him.
Years passed. Things changed, but not their love to each other.
As everyone expected, Kyuhyun graduated from university with flying colours, and got a very promising job in an international company. He started as a trainee, but his brain and his hardwork was known by the top level managers. Things were so smooth for him. Slowly but sure, he gained trusts and good position in the company.
As for Sungmin, though his work wasn’t as prestigious as Kyuhyun’s, because of his loyalty, he’d become the supervisor on the construction site. The raise of his pay wasn’t big, but he’s happy with what he earned. He knew he’s lacking, he wasn’t sure if he could find another, better job. His boss and coworkers were nice, and as long as his salary was enough for a living, then he’s satisfied. Besides, with the salary Kyuhyun got, which is higher than his, the younger insisted to use his money for everyday expenses.
Their life was getting better economically. They had each other for company. There’s nothing they would wish for more.
Kyuhyun jumped from his bed and his dreamless sleep, hair sticking out on his head, and stumbled out from the room as he heard Sungmin’s weird, strangled yell.
“Oh my God!” He gasped as he saw his hyung clutching his face with both hands, grocery bacg scattered on the floor. Something red could be seen on the gap of his fingers, trickling down to fhe floor.
He was about to run to his hyung but Sungmin stopped him with his muffled and still strangled voice, saying something that sound like ‘tissue’.
Realization hit him. Kyuhyun dashed back to his room, grabbed a box of tissue paper and took it as many as possible while running towards his hyung.
Sungmin reached out for the tissue once he’s near enough and blocked his nose with the tissue.
Ignoring the groceriy bag, Kyuhyun assisted Sungmin on the couch and guided the older man to lean his head back.
He wiped Sungmin’s hand which was covered with blood. There’s quite a lot of it and it’s scary. Of course nosebleed wasn’t a big deal, and Sungmin had experienced it once or twice when he’s really tired, but still.. It’s blood, a lot of blood.
“Hyung, you okay?” He asked worriedly.
That’s all he got. But he didn’t bother. With a handful of tissue paper on his nose, he didn’t expect the other man to reply.
Kyuhyun sighed, resuming his work to clean Sungmin’s hands, waiting the nosebleed to stop.
It was Korean independence day, the only holiday on that month, a day they’d been waiting for because they can spend the day off lazily. They’d planned to make steak for lunch, that’s why Sungmin went to the supermarket on early morning. He thought he’ll have a great day, but the stupid nosebleed had ruined his mood.
After about two minutes, finally Sungmin straightened up. He peeked over the bloodied tissue paper, and after he’s sure the bleeding had stopped he dumped the bloody tissue to the coffee table and took another tissue Kyuhyun handed out to him to wipe the remaining blood from his face.
“Let me see,” The younger one ducked his face so he could inspect Sungmin’s nose, and once again sighed in relief to see the blood had stopped running.
“You almost give me a heart attack Min hyung,” He huffed and dropped his body on the couch beside Sungmin.
Sungmin chuckled weirdly thanks to the tissue he stuffed on his nose. “It effectively wakes you up though. So you better help me cook- Oh no!”
Suddenly Sungmin got up and hurriedly took the grocery bag. He scrunched his nose when noticing some droplets of blood on the paper bag. “Almost forget about the beef,” He said casually and walked to the kitchen to organize the food he bought.
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes though his lips formed a small smile. Sungmin had a major nosebleed, his blood was littering the floor and now what he could think of was the beef he bought earlier.
“I prefer cleaning all the mess you made than helping you cooking, hyung,” He grumbled, picking up another tissue and started cleaning the flood.
Sungmin’s head suddenly popped out from the wall that separating the kitchen and living room. He observed the living room, and smiled apologetically to the younger one who’s crouching on the floor, rubbing the floor wildly to remove blood stain from the floor.
“I’ll make a good lunch then,” He grinned before disappeared from Kyuhyun’s line of sight.
“You better be! Your blood is everywhere! ” He called out.
He didn’t realize that he’s smiling.
Kyuhyun was pacing back and forth in the living room, holding his phone. Once in a while the young man checked it, and made an unanswered phone call. Grumbled to the poor innocent phone, he threw the gadget to the couch carelessly.
He stood still, pondering.
Sungmin should have gotten home three hours ago, and if the man had to go somewhere he’d never failed to notice Kyuhyun before. But now, Kyuhyun couldn’t even reach him.
A sickening feeling appeared in the out of his stomach. He’s worried.
He waited more about five more minutes, before he finally lost his patience. Carelessly he took his phone, wallet and keys, and dashed to the coat hanger.
The door opened just as his hand touched his coat.
Sungmin was startled when he realized Kyuhyun was just standing a few inches before the door, moreover when Kyuhyun rushed to him and shrieked. “Hyung! Why do you just get home at this hour?”
However, he stopped on his track before his hyung could answer.
There’s a man standing behind Sungmin. He’s tall and despite the stubbles on his chin, the man looked exceptionally handsome.
Creasing his brows, he asked. “Who is he?”
Sungmin slapped his arm lightly at his lack of manner and pouted.
“Hi, I’m Siwon,” Suddenly the man held out his hand politely. His smile was so wide that despite his brain screamed that he disliked the man, he took Siwon’s hand, murmuring his name in return.
“And you are?” Kyuhyun asked.
“He’s my coworker in the construction site,” Sungmin replied shortly while walking in and took off his shoes.
To Kyuhyun’s surprise and dismay, the Siwon guy followed in. Kyuhyun swore he could slam the door right to the unexpected visitor if Siwon wasn’t so polite, saying ‘excuse me’ with smiley face while coming in.
Kyuhyun closed the door, stepped back and crossed his arms across his chest.
“That doesn’t explain why you’re coming late without telling me and bring your friend over,” His eyes were directed straight to Sungmin, his voice filled with accusation.
Sighed heavily, Sungmin looked back at him. “I wasn’t feeling very well today so I rested and got overslept. Siwon woke me up and took me home. And about not contacting you.. It’s cliché but really, I forgot to charge it last night so it died in the middle of the day.”
“You’re sick?” Kyuhyun dropped his strong demeanor immediately. His annoyance calmed down as fast as it appeared.
Sungmin hummed tiredly and took off his coat.
“He’s pretty much almost knocked out this afternoon, must be the heat,” Suddenly Siwon commented. “That’s why I insisted to take him home, just to make sure..”
“Come in, Wonnie, I’ll make you some tea.”
Kyuhyun frowned, disliked how Sungmin abruptly changed the topic. He stayed motionlessly, ignoring Siwon who smiled hesitantly and followed Sungmin to the kitchen. He could hear their voices, chatting in ease along with clattering sound of the cup and spoon.
Kyuhyun rubbed his face tiredly. He didn’t understand why he was so worked up about Sungmin coming home late and bringing a coworker along. He shouldn’t really make a fuss of it. And Sungmin was sick! And he accused him for coming late, he felt like a shit. Just then he realized, he even hadn’t thank Siwon for helping his hyung.
The sound of soft laughter was heard from the kitchen, and it effectively halted his steps. He’s going to say thank you to Siwon and probably say sorry to Sungmin. The older man clearly was rather pissed off earlier. But when he heard the laughter, he somehow felt he didn’t belong there, he shouldn’t disturb them.
His heart suddenly felt aching. With heavy steps, Kyuhyun strutted back to his room, closing the door gently and plopped down to his bed. He still could hear their voices outside and he didn’t like it one bit. Not minding the hot temperature in his room, Kyuhyun pulled the blanket over his whole body, as if the blanket would block the noises.
Kyuhyun thought a deep sleep would make him feel ease the next day. But when the sunlight hit his eyes because he forgot to pull the curtain, he immediately remembered the yesterday event.
He groaned because sunlight was annoying and adjusted his position so he’s backfacing the window.
After tossing here and there on his bed, he gave up.
The clock showed it’s 6.00 am, and it’s Saturday. He woke up on 10.00 am on Saturday, but he didn’t feel like sleeping anymore.
The house is perfectly quiet, telling him that Sungmin would probably still sleeping. And then he remembered that Sungmin was sick.
He wanted to go to Sungmin’s room, to check if he’s okay, but he backed out. Sungmin was upset to him, and somehow he didn’t like to face an upset Sungmin, moreover he’s the reason why Sungmin’s upset. So instead of checking his hyung, he went to the bathroom to brush teeth and take shower.
He also made breakfast, which only consisted of toasted bread with peanut butter and a cup of hot chocolate, hoping it would make the older man forgive him.
He didn’t bother to knock. Slowly, so that he won’t make a sound, he turned the doorknow and slipped inside. Sungmin was sleeping inside, completely oblivious someone had intruded into his room.
Kyuhyun frowned as he saw that Sungmin was still sick. He could see the paleness and the slight discomfort on his face. He’s not having a fever, he thought as he checked on Sungmin’s forehead.
However, when Kyuhyun pulled his hand from Sungmin’s forehead, the latter’s eyes fluttered open.
Kyuhyun’s cursing himself for waking Sungmin up, but Sungmin smiled at him.
Kyuhyun huffed a breath of relief. Sungmin obviously wasn’t angry at him anymore.
He smiled and setting himself on the empty space on Sungmin’s bed, and the older man shifted so they were facing each other.
“Still sick?” He murmured lowly, afraid that Sungmin would have a headache if he talked loudly.
“Better,” The other replied, voice was still hoarse from sleeping.
“What happened?” Kyuhyun asked. Sungmin stretched his body and huffed.
“I don’t know, must be my anemia. I forgot to take my pill yesterday.”
Kyuhyun groaned. “How come you forget it, hyung? Then have you take it yesterday?”
Sungmin chuckled, happy at the younger’s concern. “I have, don’t worry.”
“It’s inevitable to worry,” Kyuhyun retorted before his eyes immediately softened. “I’m sorry, hyung, for yesterday. I was worried.. And I lashed out to you..”
Sungmin scooted closer and snuggled to him, circling his arm to Kyuhyun’s waist, “S’okay. You’re worried,” He pointed out and sighed while pulling out. “You must have loved me soo much.”
Kyuhyun gaped, but the teasing smile Sungmin gave him, made him blushed. “Not that much!” He grumbled, and propped his body with his hand, wanting to stand up, but Sungmin held his waist and forced him to lie down again.
Without saying anything, Sungmin hugged him and rested his head on his chest.
“Don’t move, it’s comfortable like this,” He heard Sungmin murmured, and Kyuhyun smiled. He thought so too.
As Sungmin’s breath evened out, Kyuhyun felt his body less tense, but his heartbeat was rapid.
When was the last time they snuggled like this?
Was it a year or two years ago? Or maybe three? Five?
There’s warmth seeped into his body when he smelled Sungmin’s scent. It’s calming him, making his heart raced.
Then he remembered how the older man would appear in his mind anywhere anytime. He remembered the happiness bubbling in his heart whenever he listened Sungmin speaking, when he say Sungmin’s smiling. He remembered the warm touch of Sungmin’s hand on his own. He remembered the fear of losing, the passion to see Sungmin happy, the jealousy of seeing Sungmin with other man.
Kyuhyun scoffed to himself out of the blue. He didn’t know he should be happy or not.
He may be a genius, but maybe he’s not that genius.
After all, after all those years, he just realized that he fell in love with Sungmin.